Linux Men Women

Any girl can be glamorous; all you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
                -- Hedy Lamarr

Any woman is a volume if one knows how to read her.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
                -- Groucho Marx

        "Anything else, sir?" asked the attentive bellhop, trying his best
to make the lady and gentleman comfortable in their penthouse suite in the
posh hotel.
        "No.  No, thank you," replied the gentleman.
        "Anything for your wife, sir?" the bellhop asked.
        "Why, yes, young man," said the gentleman.  "Would you bring me a
postcard?"

As fathers commonly go, it is seldom a misfortune to be fatherless; and
considering the general run of sons, as seldom a misfortune to be childless.

The only solid and lasting peace between a man and his wife is, doubtless,
a separation.
                -- Lord Chesterfield, letter to his son, 1763

Asked how she felt being the first woman to make a major-league team, she
said, "Like a pig in mud," or words to that effect, and then turned and
released a squirt of tobacco juice from the wad of rum soaked plug in her
right cheek.  She chewed a rare brand of plug called Stuff It, which she
learned to chew when she was playing Nicaraguan summer ball.  She told the
writers, "They were so mean to me down there you couldn't write it in your
newspaper.  I took a gun everywhere I went, even to bed.  *Especially* to
bed.  Guys were after me like you can't believe.  That's when I started
chewing tobacco -- because no matter how bad anybody treats you, it's not
as bad as this.  This is the worst chew in the world.  After this,
everything else is peaches and cream."  The writers elected Gentleman Jim,
the Sparrow's P.R. guy, to bite off a chunk and tell them how it tasted,
and as he sat and chewed it tears ran down his old sunburnt cheeks and he
couldn't talk for a while. Then he whispered, "You've been chewing this for
two years?  God, I had no idea it was so hard to be a woman."
                -- Garrison Keillor

At last I've found the girl of my dreams.  Last night she said to me,
"Once more, Strange, and this time *I'll* be Donnie and *you* be Marie.
                -- Strange de Jim

Bachelors' wives and old maids' children are always perfect.
                -- Nicolas Chamfort

Basically my wife was immature.  I'd be at home in the bath and she'd
come in and sink my boats.
                -- Woody Allen

Be circumspect in your liaisons with women.  It is better to be seen at
the opera with a man than at mass with a woman.
                -- De Maintenon