Humor: Worst of Fortunes for the month of October, 2006

Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking...
Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes. -- Mickey Mouse

Due to lack of disk space, this fortune database...
Due to lack of disk space, this fortune database has been discontinued.

During the next two hours, the system will be going up and down...
During the next two hours, the system will be going up and down several times, often with lin~po_~{po ~poz~ppo\~{ o n~po_~{o[po ~y oodsou>\#w4k**n~po_~{ol;lkld;f;g;dd;po\~{o

In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used...
In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take my advice. -- Winston Churchill

It was the next morning that the armies of Twodor marched...
It was the next morning that the armies of Twodor marched east laden with long lances, sharp swords, and death-dealing hangovers. The thousands were led by Arrowroot, who sat limply in his sidesaddle, nursing a whopper. Goodgulf, Gimlet, and the rest...

When you have an efficient government, you have...
When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship. -- Harry Truman

An attorney was defending his client against a charge...
An attorney was defending his client against a charge of first-degree murder. "Your Honor, my client is accused of stuff his lover's mutilated body into a suitcase and heading for the Mexican border. Just north of Tijuana a cop spotted her hand...

Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins...
Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which...

Never have children, only grandchildren. --...
Never have children, only grandchildren. -- Gore Vidal

Only a mediocre person is always at his best...
Only a mediocre person is always at his best. -- Laurence Peter