Humor: Worst of Fortunes for the month of October, 2012

You could get a new lease on life -- if only you didn't need...
You could get a new lease on life -- if only you didn't need the first and last month in advance.

A man without a woman is like a statue without pigeons.
A man without a woman is like a statue without pigeons.

He is a man capable of turning any colour into grey...
He is a man capable of turning any colour into grey. -- John LeCarre

QOTD: "I won't say he's untruthful, but his wife...
QOTD: "I won't say he's untruthful, but his wife has to call the dog for dinner."

A doctoral student from Buckingham Wrote his thesis on cunts...
A doctoral student from Buckingham Wrote his thesis on cunts and on fucking'em. But a dropout from paree Taught him Gamahuchee - so he added a footnote on sucking 'em.

A lacklustre lady of Brougham Weaveth all night at her loom...
A lacklustre lady of Brougham Weaveth all night at her loom. Anon she doth blench When her lord and his wench Pull a chain in the neighbouring room.

An Argentine gaucho named Bruno Who said, "Fucking is...
An Argentine gaucho named Bruno Who said, "Fucking is one thing I do know. Women are fine And sheep are divine But llamas are numero uno."

From Number Nine, Penwiper Mews, There is really abominable...
From Number Nine, Penwiper Mews, There is really abominable news; They've discovered a head In the box for the bread, But nobody seems to know whose. -- Edward Gorey

The latest reports from Good Hope State that apes there have...
The latest reports from Good Hope State that apes there have pricks thick as rope, And fuck high, wide, and free, From the top of one tree To the top of the next -- what a scope!

There once was a man from Bombay He would do it all night...
There once was a man from Bombay He would do it all night and all day He soon became sore You shoulda' heard him roar When his wife rubbed his balls with Ben-Gay!