Humor: Worst of Fortunes for the month of August, 2012

Osborn's Law: Variables won't; constants aren't.
Osborn's Law: Variables won't; constants aren't.

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.

A contortionist hailing from Lynch Used to rent out his tool...
A contortionist hailing from Lynch Used to rent out his tool by the inch. A foot cost a quid -- He could and he did Stretch it to three in a pinch.

A dreary young bank clerk named Fennis Wished to foster an aura...
A dreary young bank clerk named Fennis Wished to foster an aura of menace. To make people afraid He wore gloves of grey suede And white footgear intended for tennis. -- Edward Gorey, "Amphigorey"

A remarkable race are the Persians; They have such peculiar...
A remarkable race are the Persians; They have such peculiar diversions. They make love the whole day In the usual way And save up the nights for perversions.

A sex-loving coed named Bree Caught the clap from her Apple...
A sex-loving coed named Bree Caught the clap from her Apple IIE. The joystick, she found, Had been fooling around With a neighboring student's PC.

A team playing baseball in Dallas Called the umpire blind...
A team playing baseball in Dallas Called the umpire blind out of malice. While this worthy had fits The team made eight hits And a girl in the bleachers named Alice.

A wanton young lady from Wimley Reproached for not acting quite...
A wanton young lady from Wimley Reproached for not acting quite primly Said, "Heavens above! I know sex isn't love, But it's such an entrancing facsimile."

A water pipe suited miss Hunt; She used it for many a bunt...
A water pipe suited miss Hunt; She used it for many a bunt. But the unlucky wench Got it caught in her trench --- It took twenty-two men and a big Stillson wrench, To get the thing out of her cunt.

There once was a man from Madras, Whose balls were made out...
There once was a man from Madras, Whose balls were made out of brass. When they clanged together, They played "Stormy Weather", And lightning shot out of his ass.