Humor: Worst of Fortunes for the month of November, 2013

There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing...
There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing machine. Both concave and convex, It could please either sex, But, oh, what a bastard to clean!

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin on his weeny. Just to be couth, He added vermouth, And slipped his girlfriend a martini.

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

If you want to understand your government, don't begin...
If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the Constitution. It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's statecraft. Instead, read selected portions of the Washington telephone directory containing listings for all...

The Worst Prison Guards The largest number of convicts...
The Worst Prison Guards The largest number of convicts ever to escape simultaneously from a maximum security prison is 124. This record is held by Alcoente Prison, near Lisbon in Portugal. During the weeks leading up to the escape...

Those who have some means think that the most important thing...
Those who have some means think that the most important thing in the world is love. The poor know that it is money. -- Gerald Brenan

A chap down in Oklahoma Had a cock that could sing La Paloma, ...
A chap down in Oklahoma Had a cock that could sing La Paloma, But the sweetness of pitch Couldn't put off the hitch Of impotence, size and aroma.

A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison And had an affair...
A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison And had an affair with a Saracen. She was not oversexed, Or jealous or vexed, She just wanted to make a comparison.

A wanton young lady from Wimley Reproached for not acting quite...
A wanton young lady from Wimley Reproached for not acting quite primly Said, "Heavens above! I know sex isn't love, But it's such an entrancing facsimile."

And then there's the story that's fraught With disaster --...
And then there's the story that's fraught With disaster -- of balls that got caught, When a chap took a crap In the woods, and a trap Underneath... Oh, I can't bear the thought!