Humor: Worst of Fortunes for the month of December, 2016

There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in...
There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. His daughter, named Nan, Ran away with a man, And as for the bucket, Nantucket. The pair of them went to Manhasset, (Nan and the man with the asset.)...

There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin, "If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."

"... all the modern inconveniences ..." ...
"... all the modern inconveniences ..." -- Mark Twain

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.

Kleptomaniac, n.: A rich thief. --...
Kleptomaniac, n.: A rich thief. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: \#31 A: ...
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: \#31 A: Chicken Teriyaki. Q: What is the name of the world's oldest kamikaze pilot?

IDLENESS: Leisure gone to seed.
IDLENESS: Leisure gone to seed.

If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited...
If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law. -- Roy Santoro

idiot box, n: The part of the envelope that tells...
idiot box, n: The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"

A clever young man named Eugene Invented a jack-off machine...
A clever young man named Eugene Invented a jack-off machine. On the twenty-third stroke The fuckin' thing broke And beat both his balls to a creame.