Humor: Worst of Fortunes for the month of July, 2018

There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that...
There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that it bent. To save himself trouble He put it in double And instead of coming, he went.

There was a young monk in Siberia, Whose morals were very...
There was a young monk in Siberia, Whose morals were very inferior, He jumped on a nun Which he shouldn't have done, And now she's a Mother Superior.

You can't carve your way to success without cutting remarks.
You can't carve your way to success without cutting remarks.

You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.

You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.

You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on...
You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.

I wouldn't marry her with a ten foot pole.
I wouldn't marry her with a ten foot pole.

IBM: It may be slow, but it's hard to use.
IBM: It may be slow, but it's hard to use.

MONTANA: A grizzly bear praying for the early arrival...
MONTANA: A grizzly bear praying for the early arrival of cable television.

A burlesque dancer, a pip Named Virginia, could peel in a zip; ...
A burlesque dancer, a pip Named Virginia, could peel in a zip; But she read science fiction And died of constriction Attempting a Moebius strip. -- Cyril Kornbluth, "The Unfortunate Topology"