Linux Humorists

I'm going to Boston to see my doctor.  He's a very sick man.
                -- Fred Allen

I'm going to give my psychoanalyst one more year, then I'm going to Lourdes.
                -- Woody Allen

I'm going to live forever, or die trying!
                -- Spider Robinson

I'm not afraid of death -- I just don't want to be there when it happens.
                -- Woody Allen

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.  But this wasn't it.
                -- Groucho Marx

If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would
have made them cute and furry.
                -- Dave Barry

If only Dionysus were alive!  Where would he eat?
                -- Woody Allen

If only God would give me some clear sign!  Like making a large deposit
in my name at a Swiss bank.
                -- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"

If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made because very few
people die past the age of a hundred.
                -- George Burns

If you throw a New Year's Party, the worst thing that you can do would be
to throw the kind of party where your guests wake up today, and call you to
say they had a nice time.  Now you'll be be expected to throw another party
next year.
        What you should do is throw the kind of party where your guest wake
up several days from now and call their lawyers to find out if they've been
indicted for anything.  You want your guests to be so anxious to avoid a
recurrence of your party that they immediately start planning parties of their
own, a year in advance, just to prevent you from having another one ...
        If your party is successful, the police will knock on your door,
unless your party is very successful in which case they will lob tear gas
through your living room window.  As host, your job is to make sure that
they don't arrest anybody.  Or if they're dead set on arresting someone,
your job is to make sure it isn't you ...
                -- Dave Barry