Linux Cookie

"An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to New
Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but not
new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax."
-- David Letterman

"Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham
Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
        1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
        2) Advising the President.
        3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his
           coffin."
-- David Letterman

"If Ricky Schroder and Gary Coleman had a fight on
 television with pool cues, who would win?
        1) Ricky Schroder
        2) Gary Coleman
        3) The television viewing public"
-- David Letterman

"If you are beginning to doubt what I am saying, you are
 probably hallucinating."
-- The Firesign Theatre, _Everything you know is Wrong_

What to do in case of an alien attack:

    1)   Hide beneath the seat of your plane and look away.
    2)   Avoid eye contact.
    3) If there are no eyes, avoid all contact.

-- The Firesign Theatre, _Everything you know is Wrong_

"Nuclear war would really set back cable."
- Ted Turner

"You tweachewous miscweant!"
-- Elmer Fudd

"I saw _Lassie_. It took me four shows to figure out why the hairy kid never
spoke. I mean, he could roll over and all that, but did that deserve a series?"
-- the alien guy, in _Explorers_

"Open Channel D..."
-- Napoleon Solo, The Man From U.N.C.L.E.

Save the whales.  Collect the whole set.