Linux Songs Poems

I never saw a purple cow
I never hope to see one
But I can tell you anyhow
I'd rather see than be one.
                -- Gellett Burgess

I've never seen a purple cow
I never hope to see one
But from the milk we're getting now
There certainly must be one
                -- Odgen Nash

Ah, yes, I wrote "The Purple Cow"
I'm sorry now I wrote it
But I can tell you anyhow
I'll kill you if you quote it.
                -- Gellett Burgess, many years later

I owe, I owe,
It's off to work I go...

I really hate this damned machine
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does quite what I want
But only what I tell it.

"I said, "Preacher, give me strength for round 5."
He said,"What you need is to grow up, son."
I said,"Growin' up leads to growin' old,
And then to dying, and to me that don't sound like much fun."
                -- John Cougar, "The Authority Song"

I saw a man pursuing the Horizon,
'Round and round they sped.
I was disturbed at this,
I accosted the man,
"It is futile," I said.
"You can never--"
"You lie!" He cried,
and ran on.
                -- Stephen Crane

I see a bad moon rising.
I see trouble on the way.
I see earthquakes and lightnin'
I see bad times today.
Don't go 'round tonight,
It's bound to take your life.
There's a bad moon on the rise.
                -- J. C. Fogerty, "Bad Moon Rising"

I see the eigenvalue in thine eye,
I hear the tender tensor in thy sigh.
Bernoulli would have been content to die
Had he but known such a-squared cos 2(phi)!
                -- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"

I sent a letter to the fish,            I said it very loud and clear,
I told them, "This is what I wish."     I went and shouted in his ear.
The little fishes of the sea,           But he was very stiff and proud,
They sent an answer back to me.         He said "You needn't shout so loud."
The little fishes' answer was           And he was very proud and stiff,
"We cannot do it, sir, because..."      He said "I'll go and wake them if..."
I sent a letter back to say             I took a kettle from the shelf,
It would be better to obey.             I went to wake them up myself.
But someone came to me and said         But when I found the door was locked
"The little fishes are in bed."         I pulled and pushed and kicked and
                                                knocked,
I said to him, and I said it plain      And when I found the door was shut,
"Then you must wake them up again."     I tried to turn the handle, But...

        "Is that all?" asked Alice.
        "That is all." said Humpty Dumpty. "Goodbye."

I sent a message to another time,
But as the days unwind -- this I just can't believe,
I sent a message to another plane,
Maybe it's all a game -- but this I just can't conceive.
...
I met someone who looks at lot like you,
She does the things you do, but she is an IBM.
She's only programmed to be very nice,
But she's as cold as ice, whenever I get too near,
She tells me that she likes me very much,
But when I try to touch, she makes it all too clear.
...
I realize that it must seem so strange,
That time has rearranged, but time has the final word,
She knows I think of you, she reads my mind,
She tries to be unkind, she knows nothing of our world.
                -- ELO, "Yours Truly, 2095"

I shot a query into the net.
I haven't got an answer yet,            A posted message called me rotten
But seven people gave me hell           For ignoring mail I'd never gotten;
And said I ought to learn to spell;     An angry message asked me, Please
                                        Don't send such drivel overseas;
A lawyer sent me private mail
And swore he'd slap my ass in jail --   One netter thought it was a hoax:
I'd mentioned Un*x in my gem            "Hereafter, post to net dot jokes!";
And failed to add the T and M;          Another called my grammar vile
                                        And criticized my writing style.
Each day I scan each Subject line
In hopes the topic will be mine;
I shot a query into the net.
I haven't got an answer yet...
                -- Ed Nather