Linux Songs Poems

Cecil, you're my final hope
Of finding out the true Straight Dope
For I have been reading of Schrodinger's cat
But none of my cats are at all like that.
This unusual animal (so it is said)
Is simultaneously alive and dead!
What I don't understand is just why he
Can't be one or the other, unquestionably.
My future now hangs in between eigenstates.
In one I'm enlightened, in the other I ain't.
If *you* understand, Cecil, then show me the way
And rescue my psyche from quantum decay.
But if this queer thing has perplexed even you,
Then I will *and* I won't see you in Schrodinger's zoo.
                -- Randy F., Chicago, "The Straight Dope, a compendium
                   of human knowledge" by Cecil Adams

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy,
But it's very funny -- did you ever try buying them without money?
                -- Ogden Nash

Charlie was a chemist,
But Charlie is no more.
For what he thought was H2O,
Was H2SO4.

Children aren't happy without something to ignore,
And that's what parents were created for.
                -- Ogden Nash

Chivalry, Schmivalry!
        Roger the thief has a
        method he uses for
        sneaky attacks:
Folks who are reading are
        Characteristically
        Always Forgetting to
        Guard their own bac ...

Christmas time is here, by Golly;       Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens;
Disapproval would be folly;             Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens;
Deck the halls with hunks of holly;     Even though the prospect sickens,
Fill the cup and don't say when...      Brother, here we go again.

On Christmas day, you can't get sore;   Relations sparing no expense'll,
Your fellow man you must adore;         Send some useless old utensil,
There's time to rob him all the more,   Or a matching pen and pencil,
The other three hundred and sixty-four! Just the thing I need... how nice.

It doesn't matter how sincere           Hark The Herald-Tribune sings,
It is, nor how heartfelt the spirit;    Advertising wondrous things.
Sentiment will not endear it;           God Rest Ye Merry Merchants,
What's important is... the price.       May you make the Yuletide pay.
                                        Angels We Have Heard On High,
Let the raucous sleighbells jingle;     Tell us to go out and buy.
Hail our dear old friend, Kris Kringle, Sooooo...
Driving his reindeer across the sky,
Don't stand underneath when they fly by!
                -- Tom Lehrer

Cold be hand and heart and bone,
and cold be sleep under stone;
never more to wake on stony bed,
never, till the Sun fails and the Moon is dead.

In the black wind the stars shall die,
and still on gold here let them lie,
till the dark lord lifts his hand
over dead sea and withered land.
                -- J. R. R. Tolkien

Come fill the cup and in the fire of spring
Your winter garment of repentence fling.
The bird of time has but a little way
To flutter -- and the bird is on the wing.
                -- Omar Khayyam

Come live with me and be my love,
And we will some new pleasures prove
Of golden sands and crystal brooks
With silken lines, and silver hooks.
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
If you would be my POSSLQ.

You live with me, and I with you,
And you will be my POSSLQ.
I'll be your friend and so much more;
That's what a POSSLQ is for.

And everything we will confess;
Yes, even to the IRS.
Some day on what we both may earn,
Perhaps we'll file a joint return.
You'll share my pad, my taxes, joint;
You'll share my life - up to a point!
And that you'll be so glad to do,
Because you'll be my POSSLQ.

Come live with me, and be my love,
And we will some new pleasures prove
Of golden sands, and crystal brooks,
With silken lines, and silver hooks.
                -- John Donne