Freebsd Fortunes 4

I want to kill everyone here with a cute colorful Hydrogen Bomb!!
                -- Zippy the Pinhead

I want to marry a girl just like the girl that married dear old dad.
                -- Freud

I want to reach your mind -- where is it currently located?

I was appalled by this story of the destruction of a member of a valued
endangered species.  It's all very well to celebrate the practicality of
pigs by ennobling the porcine sibling who constructed his home out of
bricks and mortar.  But to wantonly destroy a wolf, even one with an
excessive taste for porkers, is unconscionable in these ecologically
critical times when both man and his domestic beasts continue to maraud
the earth.
                Sylvia Kamerman, "Book Reviewing"

I was at this restaurant.  The sign said "Breakfast Anytime."  So I
ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.
                -- Steven Wright

I was born in a barrel of butcher knives
Trouble I love and peace I despise
Wild horses kicked me in my side
Then a rattlesnake bit me and he walked off and died.
                -- Bo Diddley

I was eatin' some chop suey,
With a lady in St. Louie,
When there sudden comes a knockin' at the door.
And that knocker, he says, "Honey,
Roll this rocker out some money,
Or your daddy shoots a baddie to the floor."
                -- Mr. Miggle

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did.
I said I didn't know.
                -- Mark Twain

I was in a bar and I walked up to a beautiful woman and said, "Do you live
around here often?"  She said, "You're wearing two different-color socks."
I said, "Yes, but to me they're the same because I go by thickness."
She said, "How do you feel?" And I said, "You know when you're sitting on a
chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so
you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself?  I feel like
that all the time..."
                -- Steven Wright, "Gentlemen's Quarterly"

I was in a beauty contest one.  I not only came in last, I was hit in
the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
                -- Phyllis Diller