Linux Computers

4.2 BSD UNIX #57: Sun Jun 1 23:02:07 EDT 1986

You swing at the Sun.  You miss.  The Sun swings.  He hits you with a
575MB disk!  You read the 575MB disk.  It is written in an alien
tongue and cannot be read by your tired Sun-2 eyes.  You throw the
575MB disk at the Sun.  You hit!  The Sun must repair your eyes.  The
Sun reads a scroll.  He hits your 130MB disk!  He has defeated the
130MB disk!  The Sun reads a scroll.  He hits your Ethernet board!  He
has defeated your Ethernet board!  You read a scroll of "postpone until
Monday at 9 AM".  Everything goes dark...
                -- /etc/motd, cbosgd

A biologist, a statistician, a mathematician and a computer scientist are on
a photo-safari in Africa.  As they're driving along the savannah in their
jeep, they stop and scout the horizon with their binoculars.

The biologist: "Look!  A herd of zebras!  And there's a white zebra!
        Fantastic!  We'll be famous!"
The statistician: "Hey, calm down, it's not significant.  We only know
        there's one white zebra."
The mathematician: "Actually, we only know there exists a zebra, which is
        white on one side."
The computer scientist : "Oh, no!  A special case!"

... A booming voice says, "Wrong, cretin!", and you notice that you
have turned into a pile of dust.

A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.

A bug in the hand is better than one as yet undetected.

A certain monk had a habit of pestering the Grand Tortue (the only one who
had ever reached the Enlightenment 'Yond Enlightenment), by asking whether
various objects had Buddha-nature or not.  To such a question Tortue
invariably sat silent.  The monk had already asked about a bean, a lake,
and a moonlit night.  One day he brought to Tortue a piece of string, and
asked the same question.  In reply, the Grand Tortue grasped the loop
between his feet and, with a few simple manipulations, created a complex
string which he proferred wordlessly to the monk.  At that moment, the monk
was enlightened.

From then on, the monk did not bother Tortue.  Instead, he made string after
string by Tortue's method; and he passed the method on to his own disciples,
who passed it on to theirs.

A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a
simple system that works.

[A computer is] like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no mercy.
                -- Joseph Campbell

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention,
with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequilla.
        -- Mitch Ratcliffe

A computer salesman visits a company president for the purpose of selling
the president one of the latest talking computers.
Salesman:       "This machine knows everything. I can ask it any quesstion
                and it'll give the correct answer.  Computer, what is the
                speed of light?"
Computer:       186,282 miles per second.
Salesman:       "Who was the first president of the United States?"
Computer:       George Washington.
President:      "I'm still not convinced. Let me ask a question.
                Where is my father?"
Computer:       Your father is fishing in Georgia.
President:      "Hah!! The computer is wrong. My father died over twenty
                years ago!"
Computer:       Your mother's husband died 22 years ago. Your father just
                landed a twelve pound bass.