Linux Ethnic

Three Midwesterners, a Kansan, a Missourian and an Iowan,
all appearing on a quiz program, were asked to complete this sentence:
"Old MacDonald had a . . ."

        "Old MacDonald had a carburetor," answered the Kansan.
        "Sorry, that's wrong," the game show host said.
        "Old MacDonald had a free brake alignment down at the
                service station," said the Missourian.
        "Wrong."
        "Old MacDonald had a farm," said the Iowan.
        "CORRECT!" shouts the quizmaster.  "Now for $100,000, spell 'farm.'"
        "Easy," said the Iowan. "E-I-E-I-O."

Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
                -- Frank Lloyd Wright

To a Californian, a person must prove himself criminally insane before he
is allowed to drive a taxi in New York.  For New York cabbies, honesty and
stopping at red lights are both optional.
        -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts

To a Californian, all New Yorkers are cold; even in heat they rarely go
above fifty-eight degrees.  If you collapse on a street in New York, plan
to spend a few days there.
        -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts

To a Californian, the basic difference between the people and the pigeons
in New York is that the pigeons don't shit on each other.
        -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts

To a New Yorker, all Californians are blond, even the blacks.  There are,
in fact, whole neighborhoods that are zoned only for blond people.  The
only way to tell the difference between California and Sweden is that the
Swedes speak better English."
        -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts

To a New Yorker, the only California houses on the market for less than a
million dollars are those on fire.  These generally go for six hundred
thousand.
        -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts

To be happy one must be a) well fed, unhounded by sordid cares, at ease in
Zion, b) full of a comfortable feeling of superiority to the masses of one's
fellow men, and c) delicately and unceasingly amused according to one's taste.
It is my contention that, if this definition be accepted, there is no country
in the world wherein a man constituted as I am -- a man of my peculiar
weaknesses, vanities, appetites, and aversions -- can be so happy as he can
be in the United States.  Going further, I lay down the doctrine that it is
a sheer physical impossibility for such a man to live in the United States
and not be happy.
                -- H.L. Mencken, "On Being An American"

To know Edina is to reject it.
                -- Dudley Riggs, "The Year the Grinch Stole the Election"

Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.
                -- Judy Garland, "Wizard of Oz"