Linux Humorists

It is an important and popular fact that things are not always what
they seem.  For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed
that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so
much -- the wheel, New York, wars and so on -- whilst all the dolphins
had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time.  But
conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more
intelligent than man -- for precisely the same reasons.

Curiously enough, the dolphins had long known of the impending
destruction of the of the planet Earth and had made many attempts to
alert mankind to the danger; but most of their communications were
misinterpreted ...
                -- Douglas Admas "The Hitchhikers' Guide To The Galaxy"

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
                -- Woody Allen

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be
unhappy.
                -- Groucho Marx

It looked like something resembling white marble, which was
probably what it was: something resembling white marble.
                -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy"

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
                -- Steven Wright

It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.
                -- Groucho Marx

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
                -- Woody Allen

Last night the power went out.  Good thing my camera had a flash....
The neighbors thought it was lightning in my house, so they called the cops.
                -- Steven Wright

Last year we drove across the country...  We switched on the driving...
every half mile.  We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip.
I don't remember what it was.
                -- Steven Wright

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
                -- Woody Allen, "Annie Hall"