Linux Humorists

The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them
is a match.
                -- Will Rogers

The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be.
Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in
automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
                -- Art Buchwald

The grand leap of the whale up the Fall of Niagara is esteemed, by all
who have seen it, as one of the finest spectacles in nature.
                -- Benjamin Franklin.

        The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has a few things to say on
the subject of towels.
        Most importantly, a towel has immense psychological value.  For
some reason, if a non-hitchhiker discovers that a hitchhiker has his towel
with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a
toothbrush, washcloth, flask, gnat spray, space suit, etc., etc.  Furthermore,
the non-hitchhiker will then happily lend the hitchhiker any of these or
a dozen other items that he may have "lost".  After all, any man who can
hitch the length and breadth of the Galaxy, struggle against terrible odds,
win through and still know where his towel is, is clearly a man to be
reckoned with.
                -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.
                -- Steven Wright

        "The pyramid is opening!"
        "Which one?"
        "The one with the ever-widening hole in it!"
                -- Firesign Theater, "How Can You Be In Two Places At
                   Once When You're Not Anywhere At All"

                The Three Major Kind of Tools

* Tools for hittings things to make them loose or to tighten them up or
jar their many complex, sophisticated electrical parts in such a
manner that they function perfectly.  (These are your hammers, maces,
bludgeons, and truncheons.)

* Tools that, if dropped properly, can penetrate your foot.  (Awls)

* Tools that nobody should ever use because the potential danger is far
greater than the value of any project that could possibly result.
(Power saws, power drills, power staplers, any kind of tool that uses
any kind of power more advanced than flashlight batteries.)
                -- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"

There comes a time in the affairs of a man when he has to take the bull
by the tail and face the situation.
                -- W.C. Fields

There's no easy quick way out, we're gonna have to live through our
whole lives, win, lose, or draw.
                -- Walt Kelly

There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is
becoming an endangered synthetic.
                -- Lily Tomlin