Linux Drugs: 151 of 208 |
Symptom: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, beer is
unusually pale and clear.
Problem: Glass empty.
Action Required: Find someone who will buy you another beer.
Symptom: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction,
and the front of your shirt is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to
wrong part of face.
Action Required: Buy another beer and practice in front of mirror.
Drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique.
-- Bar Troubleshooting
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Linux Drugs: 152 of 208 |
Symptom: Everything has gone dark.
Fault: The Bar is closing.
Action Required: Panic.
Symptom: You awaken to find your bed hard, cold and wet.
You cannot see the bathroom light.
Fault: You have spent the night in the gutter.
Action Required: Check your watch to see if bars are open yet. If not,
treat yourself to a lie-in.
-- Bar Troubleshooting
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Linux Drugs: 153 of 208 |
Symptom: Feet cold and wet, glass empty.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Action Required: Turn glass other way up so that open end points
toward ceiling.
Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Improper bladder control.
Action Required: Go stand next to nearest dog. After a while complain
to the owner about its lack of house training and
demand a beer as compensation.
-- Bar Troubleshooting
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Linux Drugs: 154 of 208 |
Symptom: Floor blurred.
Fault: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
Action Required: Find someone who will buy you another beer.
Symptom: Floor moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Action Required: Find out if you are taken to another bar. If not,
complain loudly that you are being kidnapped.
-- Bar Troubleshooting
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Linux Drugs: 155 of 208 |
Symptom: Floor swaying.
Fault: Excessive air turbulence, perhaps due to air-hockey
game in progress.
Action Required: Insert broom handle down back of jacket.
Symptom: Everything has gone dim, strange taste of peanuts
and pretzels or cigarette butts in mouth.
Fault: You have fallen forward.
Action Required: See above.
Symptom: Opposite wall covered with acoustic tile and several
flourescent light strips.
Fault: You have fallen over backward.
Action Required: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your
drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to help
you get up, lash yourself to bar.
-- Bar Troubleshooting
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Linux Drugs: 156 of 208 |
Take me drunk, I'm home again!
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Linux Drugs: 157 of 208 |
The best audience is intelligent, well-educated and a little drunk.
-- Maurice Baring
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Linux Drugs: 158 of 208 |
The best way to preserve a right is to exercise it, and the right to
smoke is a right worth dying for.
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Linux Drugs: 159 of 208 |
The Celts invented two things, Whiskey and self-destruction.
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Linux Drugs: 160 of 208 |
The church is near but the road is icy; the bar is far away but I will
walk carefully.
-- Russian Proverb
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