Linux Humorists

What is comedy?  Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making
them puke.
                -- Steve Martin

        "What shall we do?" said Twoflower.
        "Panic?" said Rincewind hopefully.  He always held that panic was
the best means of survival; back in the olden days, his theory went, people
faced with hungry sabretoothed tigers could be divided very simply into
those who panicked and those who stood there saying "What a magnificent
brute!" and "Here, pussy."
                -- Terry Pratchett, "The Light Fantastic"

What's another word for "thesaurus"?
                -- Steven Wright

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if
I had any firearms with me.  I said, "Well, what do you need?"
                -- Steven Wright

When I was little, I went into a pet shop and they asked how big I'd get.
                -- Rodney Dangerfield

When I woke up this morning, my girlfriend asked if I had slept well.
I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."
                -- Steven Wright

Where humor is concerned there are no standards -- no one can say what
is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
                -- John Kenneth Galbraith

Why is the alphabet in that order?  Is it because of that song?
                -- Steven Wright

Will Rogers never met you.

Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity...
If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your
head... if you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick...
                -- Steven Wright