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fortune: 148 - 157 of 196 from linux humorists
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Sep 20, 2018
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Linux Fortunes Random

Fortune: 148 - 157 of 196 from Linux Humorists

Linux Humorists:  148 of 196

        Obviously the subject of death was in the air, but more as something
to be avoided than harped upon.
        Possibly the horror that Zaphod experienced at the prospect of being
reunited with his deceased relatives led on to the thought that they might
just feel the same way about him and, what's more, be able to do something
about helping to postpone this reunion.
                -- Douglas Adams
 
Linux Humorists:  149 of 196

One doesn't have a sense of humor.  It has you.
                -- Larry Gelbart
 
Linux Humorists:  150 of 196

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.  Inside a dog it's too
dark to read.
                -- Groucho Marx
 
Linux Humorists:  151 of 196

Puns are little "plays on words" that a certain breed of person loves to
spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to
indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest
person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead, when in fact what you
are thinking is that if this person ever ends up in a lifeboat, the other
passengers will hurl him overboard by the end of the first day even if they
have plenty of food and water.
                -- Dave Barry, "Why Humor is Funny"
 
Linux Humorists:  152 of 196

"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time."
                -- Steven Wright
 
Linux Humorists:  153 of 196

Rincewind formed a mental picture of some strange entity living in a castle
made of teeth.  It was the kind of mental picture you tried to forget.
Unsuccessfully.
                -- Terry Pratchett, "The Light Fantastic"
 
Linux Humorists:  154 of 196

Romeo wasn't bilked in a day.
                -- Walt Kelly, "Ten Ever-Lovin' Blue-Eyed Years With Pogo"
 
Linux Humorists:  155 of 196

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off
during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.
                -- Dave Barry, "Sex and the Single Amoeba: What Every
                   Teen Should Know"
 
Linux Humorists:  156 of 196

Showing up is 80% of life.
                -- Woody Allen
 
Linux Humorists:  157 of 196

Some of you ... may have decided that, this year, you're going to celebrate
it the old-fashioned way, with your family sitting around stringing
cranberries and exchanging humble, handmade gifts, like on "The Waltons".
Well, you can forget it.  If everybody pulled that kind of subversive stunt,
the economy would collapse overnight.  The government would have to
intervene: it would form a cabinet-level Department of Holiday Gift-Giving,
which would spend billions and billions of tax dollars to buy Barbie dolls
and electronic games, which it would drop on the populace from Air Force
jets, killing and maiming thousands.  So, for the good of the nation, you
should go along with the Holiday Program.  This means you should get a large
sum of money and go to a mall.
                -- Dave Barry, "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide"
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