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Why are you doing this to me?
Because knowledge is torture, and there must be awareness before
there is change.
-- Jim Starlin, "Captain Marvel", #29
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"Why did you spend so much time parked in that fellow's car last
night?" demanded the irate mother.
"I could hear the giggling and squealing for a good half hour."
"But, Mom," answered her daughter, "if a fellow takes you to the
movies you ought to at least kiss him good night."
"I thought you went to the Stork Club?" countered the mother.
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Will Rogers, having paid too much income tax one year, tried in
vain to claim a rebate. His numerous letters and queries remained
unanswered. Eventually the form for the next year's return arrived. In
the section marked "DEDUCTIONS," Rogers listed: "Bad debt, US Government
|Freebsd Fortunes 2: 369 of 1371|
With deep concern, if not alarm, Dick noted that his friend
Conrad was drunker than he'd ever seen him before. "What's the trouble,
buddy?", he asked, sliding onto the stool next to his friend.
"It's a woman, Dick," Conrad replied.
"I guessed that much. Tell me about it."
"I can't," Conrad said. But after a few more drinks his tongue
and resolution both seemed to weaken and, turning to his buddy, he said,
"Okay. It's your wife."
"What about her?"
Conrad pondered the question heavily, and draped his arm around
his pal. "Well, buddy-boy," he said, "I'm afraid she's cheating on us."
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Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.
-- The Webb Wilder Credo
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Wouldn't the sentence "I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish
and And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign" have been clearer if
quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and and, and
and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and
Chips, as well as after Chips?
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"Yes, let's consider," said Bruno, putting his thumb into his
mouth again, and sitting down upon a dead mouse.
"What do you keep that mouse for?" I said. "You should either
bury it or else throw it into the brook."
"Why, it's to measure with!" cried Bruno. "How ever would you
do a garden without one? We make each bed three mouses and a half
long, and two mouses wide."
I stopped him as he was dragging it off by the tail to show me
how it was used...
-- Lewis Carroll, "Sylvie and Bruno"
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"We got a problem down on Earth. In Utah."
"I thought you fixed that last century!"
"No, no, not that. Someone's found a security problem in the physics
program. They're getting energy out of nowhere."
"Blessit! Lemme look... <tappity clickity tappity> Hey, it's
there all right! OK, just a sec... <tappity clickity tap... save... compile>
There, that ought to patch it. Dist it out, wouldja?"
-- Cold Fusion, 1989
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"You have heard me speak of Professor Moriarty?"
"The famous scientific criminal, as famous among crooks as --"
"My blushes, Watson," Holmes murmured, in a deprecating voice. "I
was about to say 'as he is unknown to the public.'"
-- A. Conan Doyle, "The Valley of Fear"
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"You know, it's at times like this when I'm trapped in a Vogon
airlock with a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in
deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me
when I was young!"
"Why, what did she tell you?"
"I don't know, I didn't listen."
-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"