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Sep 20, 2020
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Fortune: 487 - 496 of 2298 from Freebsd Fortunes 5

Freebsd Fortunes 5:  487 of 2298

My Bonnie looked into a gas tank,
The height of its contents to see!
She lit a small match to assist her,
Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me.
Freebsd Fortunes 5:  488 of 2298

My boy is mean kid.  I came home the other day and saw him taping worms
to the sidewalk, he sits there and watches the birds get hernias.  Well,
only last Christmas I gave him a B-B gun and he gave me a sweatshirt with
a bulls-eye on the back.

I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own."  One of them
said, "So will you."
                -- Rodney Dangerfield
Freebsd Fortunes 5:  489 of 2298

My brain is my second favorite organ.
                -- Woody Allen
Freebsd Fortunes 5:  490 of 2298

My brother sent me a postcard the other day with this big sattelite photo
of the entire earth on it. On the back it said: "Wish you were here".
                -- Steven Wright
Freebsd Fortunes 5:  491 of 2298

My calculator is my shepherd, I shall not want
It maketh me accurate to ten significant figures,
        and it leadeth me in scientific notation to 99 digits.
It restoreth my square roots and guideth me along paths of floating
        decimal points for the sake of precision.
Yea, tho I walk through the valley of surprise quizzes,
        I will fear no prof, for my calculator is there to hearten me.
It prepareth a log table to comfort me, it prepareth an
        arc sin for me in the presence of my teachers.
It annoints my homework with correct solutions, my interpolations are
Surely, both precision and accuracy shall follow me all the days of my
        life, and I shall dwell in the house of Texas instruments forever.
Freebsd Fortunes 5:  492 of 2298

My central memory of that time seems to hang on one or five or maybe forty
nights -- or very early mornings -- when I left the Fillmore half-crazy and,
instead of going home, aimed the big 650 Lightning across the Bay Bridge at
a hundred miles an hour ... booming through the Treasure Island tunnel at
the lights of Oakland and Berkeley and Richmond, not quite sure which
turnoff to take when I got to the other end ... but being absolutely certain
that no matter which way I went I would come to a place where people were
just as high and wild as I was: no doubt at all about that.
                -- Hunter S. Thompson
Freebsd Fortunes 5:  493 of 2298

"My country, right or wrong" is a thing that no patriot would think
of saying, except in a desperate case.  It is like saying "My mother,
drunk or sober."
                -- G.K. Chesterton, "The Defendant"
Freebsd Fortunes 5:  494 of 2298

"My country right or wrong" is like saying, "My mother drunk or
                -- G.K. Chesterton
Freebsd Fortunes 5:  495 of 2298

My cup hath runneth'd over with love.
Freebsd Fortunes 5:  496 of 2298

My darling wife was always glum.
I drowned her in a cask of rum,
And so made sure that she would stay
In better spirits night and day.
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