Freebsd Fortunes 2

        "What are you watching?"
        "I don't know."
        "Well, what's happening?"
        "I'm not sure...  I think the guy in the hat did something
terrible."
        "Why are you watching it?"
        "You're so analytical.  Sometimes you just have to let art
flow over you."
                -- The Big Chill

        "What do you do when your real life exceeds your wildest
fantasies?"
        "You keep it to yourself."
                -- Broadcast News

        "What do you give a man who has everything?" the pretty teenager
asked her mother.
        "Encouragement, dear," she replied.

        What is involved in such [close] relationships is a form of emotional
chemistry, so far unexplained by any school of psychiatry I am aware of, that
conditions nothing so simple as a choice between the poles of attraction and
repulsion.  You can meet some people thirty, forty times down the years, and
they remain amiable bystanders, like the shore lights of towns that a sailor
passes at stated times but never calls at on the regular run.  Conversely,
all considerations of sex aside, you can meet some other people once or twice
and they remain permanent influences on your life.
        Everyone is aware of this discrepancy between the acquaintance seen
as familiar wallpaper or instant friend.  The chemical action it entails is
less worth analyzing than enjoying.  At any rate, these six pieces are about
men with whom I felt an immediate sympat - to use a coining of Max Beerbohm's
more satisfactory to me than the opaque vogue word "empathy".
                -- Alistair Cooke, "Six Men"

        "What the hell are you getting so upset about?  I thought you
didn't believe in God".
        "I don't," she sobbed, bursting violently into tears, "but the
God I don't believe in is a good God, a just God, a merciful God.  He's
not the mean and stupid God you make Him out to be".
                -- Joseph Heller

        "What was the worst thing you've ever done?"
        "I won't tell you that, but I'll tell you the worst thing that
ever happened to me... the most dreadful thing."
                -- Peter Straub, "Ghost Story"

        "What's that thing?"
        "Well, it's a highly technical, sensitive instrument we use in
computer repair.  Being a layman, you probably can't grasp exactly what
it does.  We call it a two-by-four."
                -- "Shoe", Jeff MacNelly

        When, in 1964, New Hampshire Republican Senator Norris Cotton announced
his support of Barry Goldwater in his state's primary election, he was
questioned as to whether this indicated a change of his hitherto "liberal"
political views.
        "Well," explained Cotton, "it's like the New Hampshire farmer.  He was
driving along in his car one day with his wife beside him when his wife said,
'Why don't we sit closer together?  Before we were married, we always sat
closer together.'  The old farmer replied, 'I ain't moved.'"
        "I ain't moved," added Cotton.  "I found the trend of Government has
moved farther to the left."
                -- Bill Adler, "The Washington Wits"

        When managers hold endless meetings, the programmers write games.
When accountants talk of quarterly profits, the development budget is about
to be cut.  When senior scientists talk blue sky, the clouds are about to
roll in.
        Truly, this is not the Tao of Programming.
        When managers make commitments, game programs are ignored.  When
accountants make long-range plans, harmony and order are about to be restored.
When senior scientists address the problems at hand, the problems will soon
be solved.
        Truly, this is the Tao of Programming.
                -- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"

        When the lodge meeting broke up, Meyer confided to a friend.
"Abe, I'm in a terrible pickle!  I'm strapped for cash and I haven't
the slightest idea where I'm going to get it from!"
        "I'm glad to hear that," answered Abe.  "I was afraid you
might have some idea that you could borrow from me!"