Linux Drugs

When I drink, *everybody* drinks!" a man shouted to the assembled bar patrons.
A loud general cheer went up.  After downing his whiskey, he hopped onto a
barstool and shouted "When I take another drink, *everybody* takes another
drink!"  The announcement produced another cheer and another round of drinks.
        As soon as he had downed his second drink, the fellow hopped back
onto the stool.  "And when I pay," he bellowed, slapping five dollars onto
the bar, "*everybody* pays!"

When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year.  I
have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with
slightly over half that quantity of beer.
                -- Dave Barry, "Postpetroleum Guzzler"

When I sell liquor, it's called bootlegging; when my patrons serve
it on silver trays on Lake Shore Drive, it's called hospitality.
                -- Al Capone

When the cup is full, carry it level.

When the going gets tough, the tough go grab a beer.

        While riding in a train between London and Birmingham, a woman
inquired of Oscar Wilde, "You don't mind if I smoke, do you?"
        Wilde gave her a sidelong glance and replied, "I don't mind if
you burn, madam."

Who needs friends when you can sit alone in your room and drink?

Why on earth do people buy old bottles of wine when they can get a
fresh one for a quarter of the price?

Woman on Street:        Sir, you are drunk; very, very drunk.
Winston Churchill:      Madame, you are ugly; very, very ugly.
                        I shall be sober in the morning.

Wonderful day.  Your hangover just makes it seem terrible.