Linux Drugs

I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.
                -- Fred Allen

[Also attributed to S. Clay Wilson.  Ed.]

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol
that some thinkle peep I am.
It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

I've always felt sorry for people that don't drink -- remember,
when they wake up, that's as good as they're gonna feel all day!

I've always made it a solemn practice to never drink anything stronger
than tequila before breakfast.
                -- R. Nesson

I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.
                -- George Gobel

If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.

If God had intended Men to Smoke, He would have put Chimneys in their Heads.

If I knew what brand [of whiskey] he drinks, I would send a barrel or
so to my other generals.
                -- Abraham Lincoln, on General Grant

If people drank ink instead of Schlitz, they'd be better off.
                -- Edward E. Hippensteel

[What brand of ink?  Ed.]

If you don't drink it, someone else will.