Linux Humorists

I woke up this morning and discovered that everything in my apartment
had been stolen and replaced with an exact replica.  I told my roommate,
"Isn't this amazing?  Everything in the apartment has been stolen and
replaced with an exact replica."  He said, "Do I know you?"
                -- Steven Wright

I worked in a health food store once.  A guy came in and asked me,
"If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?"
                -- Steven Wright

I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
                -- Groucho Marx

I'D LIKE TO BE BURIED INDIAN-STYLE, where they put you up on a high rack,
above the ground.  That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even
feel it.
                -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.

I'd never join any club that would have the likes of me as a member.
                -- Groucho Marx

I'll be comfortable on the couch.  Famous last words.
                -- Lenny Bruce

I'm going to Boston to see my doctor.  He's a very sick man.
                -- Fred Allen

I'm going to give my psychoanalyst one more year, then I'm going to Lourdes.
                -- Woody Allen

I'm going to live forever, or die trying!
                -- Spider Robinson

I'm not afraid of death -- I just don't want to be there when it happens.
                -- Woody Allen