Linux Humorists
fortune: 131 - 140 of 196 from linux humorists
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Linux Humorists

Fortune: 131 - 140 of 196 from Linux Humorists

Linux Humorists:  131 of 196

It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.
                -- Groucho Marx
Linux Humorists:  132 of 196

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
                -- Woody Allen
Linux Humorists:  133 of 196

Last night the power went out.  Good thing my camera had a flash....
The neighbors thought it was lightning in my house, so they called the cops.
                -- Steven Wright
Linux Humorists:  134 of 196

Last year we drove across the country...  We switched on the driving...
every half mile.  We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip.
I don't remember what it was.
                -- Steven Wright
Linux Humorists:  135 of 196

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
                -- Woody Allen, "Annie Hall"
Linux Humorists:  136 of 196

Life is wasted on the living.
                -- The Restaurant at the Edge of the Universe.
Linux Humorists:  137 of 196

Like you,  I am frequently haunted by profound questions related to man's
place in the Scheme of Things.  Here are just a few:

        Q -- Is there life after death?
        A -- Definitely.  I speak from personal experience here.  On New
Year's Eve, 1970, I drank a full pitcher of a drink called "Black Russian",
then crawled out on the lawn and died within a matter of minutes, which was
fine with me because I had come to realize that if I had lived I would have
spent the rest of my life in the grip of the most excruciatingly painful
headache.  Thanks to the miracle of modern orange juice, I was brought back
to life several days later, but in the interim I was definitely dead.  I
guess my main impression of the afterlife is that it isn't so bad as long
as you keep the television turned down and don't try to eat any solid foods.
                -- Dave Barry
Linux Humorists:  138 of 196

Man 1:  Ask me the what the most important thing about telling a good joke is.

Man 2:  OK, what is the most impo --

Man 1:  TIMING!
Linux Humorists:  139 of 196

        "Many have seen Topaxci, God of the Red Mushroom, and they earn the
name of shaman," he said.  Some have seen Skelde, spirit of the smoke, and
they are called sorcerers.  A few have been privileged to see Umcherrel, the
soul of the forest, and they are known as spirit masters.  But none have
seen a box with hundreds of legs that looked at them without eyes, and they
are known as idio--"
        The interruption was caused by a sudden screaming noise and a flurry
of snow and sparks that blew the fire across the dark hut; there was a brief
blurred vision and then the opposite wall was blasted aside and the
apparition vanished.
        There was a long silence.  Then a slightly shorter silence.  Then
the old shaman said carefully, "You didn't just see two men go through
upside down on a broomstick, shouting and screaming at each other, did you?"
        The boy looked at him levelly.  "Certainly not," he said.
        The old man heaved a sigh of relief.  "Thank goodness for that," he
said.  "Neither did I."
                -- Terry Pratchett, "The Light Fantastic"
Linux Humorists:  140 of 196

Many years ago in a period commonly know as Next Friday Afternoon,
there lived a King who was very Gloomy on Tuesday mornings because he
was so Sad thinking about how Unhappy he had been on Monday and how
completely Mournful he would be on Wednesday....
                -- Walt Kelly
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