Linux Humorists

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if
I had any firearms with me.  I said, "Well, what do you need?"
                -- Steven Wright

When I was little, I went into a pet shop and they asked how big I'd get.
                -- Rodney Dangerfield

When I woke up this morning, my girlfriend asked if I had slept well.
I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."
                -- Steven Wright

Where humor is concerned there are no standards -- no one can say what
is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
                -- John Kenneth Galbraith

Why is the alphabet in that order?  Is it because of that song?
                -- Steven Wright

Will Rogers never met you.

Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity...
If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your
head... if you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick...
                -- Steven Wright

Would you *really* want to get on a non-stop flight?
                -- George Carlin

You can't have everything.  Where would you put it?
                -- Steven Wright

        "You know, it's at times like this when I'm trapped in a Vogon
airlock with a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in
deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me
when I was young!"
        "Why, what did she tell you?"
        "I don't know, I didn't listen."
                -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"