Linux Humorists

Bypasses are devices that allow some people to dash from point A to
point B very fast while other people dash from point B to point A very
fast.  People living at point C, being a point directly in between, are
often given to wonder what's so great about point A that so many people
from point B are so keen to get there and what's so great about point B
that so many people from point A are so keen to get there.  They often
wish that people would just once and for all work out where the hell
they wanted to be.
                -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

Comedy, like Medicine, was never meant to be practiced by the general public.

Death didn't answer.  He was looking at Spold in the same way as a dog looks
at a bone, only in this case things were more or less the other way around.
                -- Terry Pratchett, "The Colour of Magic"

Decorate your home.  It gives the illusion that your life is more
interesting than it really is.
                -- C. Schulz

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he
just whipped out a quarter?
                -- Steven Wright

"Don't come back until you have him", the Tick-Tock Man said quietly,
sincerely, extremely dangerously.

They used dogs.  They used probes.  They used cardio plate crossoffs.
They used teepers.  They used bribery.  They used stick tites.  They used
intimidation.  They used torment.  They used torture.  They used finks.
They used cops.  They used search and seizure.  They used fallaron.  They
used betterment incentives.  They used finger prints.  They used the
bertillion system.  They used cunning.  They used guile.  They used treachery.
They used Raoul-Mitgong but he wasn't much help.  They used applied physics.
They used techniques of criminology.  And what the hell, they caught him.
                -- Harlan Ellison, "Repent, Harlequin, said the Tick-Tock Man"

Don't take life so serious, son, it ain't nohow permanent.
                -- Walt Kelly

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.  It's already tomorrow
in Australia.
                -- Charles Schulz

Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead.
                -- Terry Pratchett, "The Light Fantastic"

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
                -- Woody Allen