Linux Humorists

Death didn't answer.  He was looking at Spold in the same way as a dog looks
at a bone, only in this case things were more or less the other way around.
                -- Terry Pratchett, "The Colour of Magic"

Decorate your home.  It gives the illusion that your life is more
interesting than it really is.
                -- C. Schulz

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he
just whipped out a quarter?
                -- Steven Wright

"Don't come back until you have him", the Tick-Tock Man said quietly,
sincerely, extremely dangerously.

They used dogs.  They used probes.  They used cardio plate crossoffs.
They used teepers.  They used bribery.  They used stick tites.  They used
intimidation.  They used torment.  They used torture.  They used finks.
They used cops.  They used search and seizure.  They used fallaron.  They
used betterment incentives.  They used finger prints.  They used the
bertillion system.  They used cunning.  They used guile.  They used treachery.
They used Raoul-Mitgong but he wasn't much help.  They used applied physics.
They used techniques of criminology.  And what the hell, they caught him.
                -- Harlan Ellison, "Repent, Harlequin, said the Tick-Tock Man"

Don't take life so serious, son, it ain't nohow permanent.
                -- Walt Kelly

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.  It's already tomorrow
in Australia.
                -- Charles Schulz

Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead.
                -- Terry Pratchett, "The Light Fantastic"

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
                -- Woody Allen

Eternity is a terrible thought.  I mean, where's it going to end?
                -- Tom Stoppard

Ever since prehistoric times, wise men have tried to understand what,
exactly, make people laugh.  That's why they were called "wise men." All the
other prehistoric people were out puncturing each other with spears, and the
wise men were back in the cave saying: "How about: Would you please take my
wife?  No.  How about: Here is my wife, please take her right now.  No How
about: Would you like to take something? My wife is available.  No.  How
about ..."
                -- Dave Barry, "Why Humor is Funny"