Linux Humorists

        "I assure you the thought never even crossed my mind, lord."
        "Indeed?  Then if I were you I'd sue my face for slander."
                -- Terry Pratchett, "The Colour of Magic"

I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
                -- Gilda Radner

I bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.
                -- Steven Wright

I cannot overemphasize the importance of good grammar.

What a crock.  I could easily overemphasize the importance of good
grammar.  For example, I could say: "Bad grammar is the leading cause
of slow, painful death in North America," or "Without good grammar, the
United States would have lost World War II."
                -- Dave Barry, "An Utterly Absurd Look at Grammar"

"I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now
when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still ..."
                -- Steven Wright

I could dance with you till the cows come home.  On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.
                -- Groucho Marx

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that
either.
                -- Jack Benny

I don't get no respect.

I don't kill flies, but I like to mess with their minds.  I hold them above
globes.  They freak out and yell "Whooa, I'm *way* too high."
                -- Bruce Baum

I don't want to live on in my work, I want to live on in my apartment.
                -- Woody Allen