Linux Humorists

I have an existential map.  It has "You are here" written all over it.
                -- Steven Wright

I just got out of the hospital after a speed reading accident.
I hit a bookmark.
                -- Steven Wright

I know the answer!  The answer lies within the heart of all mankind!
The answer is twelve?  I think I'm in the wrong building.
                -- Charles Schulz

I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic.  I may not get
there, but I'm going first class.
                -- Art Buchwald

"I love Saturday morning cartoons, what classic humour!  This is what
entertainment is all about ... Idiots, explosives and falling anvils."
                -- Calvin and Hobbes, Bill Watterson

I met my latest girl friend in a department store.  She was looking at
clothes, and I was putting Slinkys on the escalators.
                -- Steven Wright

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
                -- Groucho Marx

I poured spot remover on my dog.  Now he's gone.
                -- Steven Wright

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes.  They had little pictures of cats
on them.  Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
                -- Steven Wright

I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.
                -- Steven Wright