Linux Humorists

I met my latest girl friend in a department store.  She was looking at
clothes, and I was putting Slinkys on the escalators.
                -- Steven Wright

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
                -- Groucho Marx

I poured spot remover on my dog.  Now he's gone.
                -- Steven Wright

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes.  They had little pictures of cats
on them.  Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
                -- Steven Wright

I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.
                -- Steven Wright

        "I said I hope it is a good party," said Galder, loudly.
        "AT THE MOMENT IT IS," said Death levelly.  "I THINK IT MIGHT GO
DOWNHILL VERY QUICKLY AT MIDNIGHT."
        "Why?"
        "THAT'S WHEN THEY THINK I'LL BE TAKING MY MASK OFF."
                -- Terry Pratchett, "The Light Fantastic"

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
                -- Steven Wright

I should have been a country-western singer.  After all, I'm older than
most western countries.
                -- George Burns

I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers -- they're going
to make a game out of it.
                -- Woody Allen

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards.  I got a full
house and four people died.
                -- Steven Wright