Linux Humorists

All of the people in my building are insane.  The guy above me designs
synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.  The lady across the hall tried to
rob a department store... with a pricing gun...  She said, "Give me all
of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."
                -- Steven Wright

And now for something completely different.

And now for something completely the same.

        "Are you sure you're not an encyclopedia salesman?"
        No, Ma'am.  Just a burglar, come to ransack the flat."
                -- Monty Python

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" -- probably because it's
so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
                -- Woody Allen

Being Ymor's right-hand man was like being gently flogged to death with
scented bootlaces.
                -- Terry Pratchett, "The Colour of Magic"

Bernard Shaw is an excellent man; he has not an enemy in the world, and
none of his friends like him either.
                -- Oscar Wilde

"Boy, life takes a long time to live."
                -- Steven Wright

Bozo is the Brotherhood of Zips and Others.  Bozos are people who band
together for fun and profit.  They have no jobs.  Anybody who goes on a
tour is a Bozo. Why does a Bozo cross the street?  Because there's a Bozo
on the other side. It comes from the phrase vos otros, meaning others.
They're the huge, fat, middle waist.  The archetype is an Irish drunk
clown with red hair and nose, and pale skin.  Fields, William Bendix.
Everybody tends to drift toward Bozoness.  It has Oz in it.  They mean
well.  They're straight-looking except they've got inflatable shoes.  They
like their comforts.  The Bozos have learned to enjoy their free time,
which is all the time.
                -- Firesign Theatre, "If Bees Lived Inside Your Head"

But I always fired into the nearest hill or, failing that, into blackness.
I meant no harm;  I just liked the explosions.  And I was careful never to
kill more than I could eat.
                -- Raoul Duke