Linux Humorists
fortune: 96 - 105 of 196 from linux humorists
Motd - Message of the Day
Humor, Quotes, Proverbs, Aphorisms...
Daily Fortunes Feed Subscribe - Daily Fortunes - motd.ambians.com
Daily fortunes for your site
Mar 28, 2020
Motd Home     Daily Fortunes     Best of Fortunes     Worst of Fortunes

Linux Humorists

Fortune: 96 - 105 of 196 from Linux Humorists

Linux Humorists:  96 of 196

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory.  You couldn't park anywhere near
the place.
                -- Steven Wright
 
Linux Humorists:  97 of 196

I was at this restaurant.  The sign said "Breakfast Anytime."  So I
ordered French Toast in the Rennaissance.
                -- Steven Wright
 
Linux Humorists:  98 of 196

"I was drunk last night, crawled home across the lawn.  By accident I
put the car key in the door lock.  The house started up.  So I figured
what the hell, and drove it around the block a few times.  I thought I
should go park it in the middle of the freeway and yell at everyone to
get off my driveway."
                -- Steven Wright
 
Linux Humorists:  99 of 196

I was in a bar and I walked up to a beautiful woman and said, "Do you live
around here often?"  She said, "You're wearing two different-color socks."
I said, "Yes, but to me they're the same because I go by thickness."
She said, "How do you feel?" And I said, "You know when you're sitting on a
chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so
you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself?  I feel like
that all the time..."
                -- Steven Wright, "Gentlemen's Quarterly"
 
Linux Humorists:  100 of 196

I was in Vegas last week. I was at the roulette table, having a lengthy
argument about what I considered an Odd number.
                -- Steven Wright
 
Linux Humorists:  101 of 196

I was the best I ever had.
                -- Woody Allen
 
Linux Humorists:  102 of 196

"I went into a general store, and they wouldn't sell me anything specific".
                -- Steven Wright
 
Linux Humorists:  103 of 196

"I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked me if I had any
questions , I said yes, just one, if you're in a car traveling at the
speed of light and you turn your headlights on, does anything happen?

He said he couldn't answer that, I told him sorry, but I couldn't work
for him then.
                -- Steven Wright
 
Linux Humorists:  104 of 196

"I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the
statues that are in all the other museums."
                -- Steven Wright
 
Linux Humorists:  105 of 196

I woke up this morning and discovered that everything in my apartment
had been stolen and replaced with an exact replica.  I told my roommate,
"Isn't this amazing?  Everything in the apartment has been stolen and
replaced with an exact replica."  He said, "Do I know you?"
                -- Steven Wright
« Prev Random Linux Humorists   Next »
« Prev  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19  20  Next »
Search [help]

About  |  Contact Us  |  Terms of Use  |  Privacy & Disclosure
FreeBsd Quotes  |  Linux Quotes