Linux Food

Man who arrives at party two hours late will find he has been beaten
to the punch.

MOCK APPLE PIE (No Apples Needed)

  Pastry to two crust 9-inch pie        36 RITZ Crackers
2 cups water                             2 cups sugar
2 teaspoons cream of tartar              2 tablespoons lemon juice
  Grated rind of one lemon                 Butter or margarine
  Cinnamon

Roll out bottom crust of pastry and fit into 9-inch pie plate.  Break
RITZ Crackers coarsely into pastry-lined plate.  Combine water, sugar
and cream of tartar in saucepan, boil gently for 15 minutes.  Add lemon
juice and rind.  Cool.  Pour this syrup over Crackers, dot generously
with butter or margarine and sprinkle with cinnamon.  Cover with top
crust.  Trim and flute edges together.  Cut slits in top crust to let
steam escape.  Bake in a hot oven (425 F) 30 to 35 minutes, until crust
is crisp and golden.  Serve warm.  Cut into 6 to 8 slices.
                -- Found lurking on a Ritz Crackers box

Most people eat as though they were fattening themselves for market.
                -- E.W. Howe

Mountain Dew and doughnuts...  because breakfast is the most important meal
of the day.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.  Unless there
are three other people.
                -- Orson Welles

My favorite sandwich is peanut butter, baloney, cheddar cheese, lettuce
and mayonnaise on toasted bread with catsup on the side.
                -- Senator Hubert Humphrey

My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.

Never drink coke in a moving elevator.  The elevator's motion coupled with
the chemicals in coke produce hallucinations.  People tend to change into
lizards and attack without warning, and large bats usually fly in the
window.  Additionally, you begin to believe that elevators have windows.

Never eat anything bigger than your head.

Never eat more than you can lift.
                -- Miss Piggy