Linux Food

The most exquisite peak in culinary art is conquered when you do right by a
ham, for a ham, in the very nature of the process it has undergone since last
it walked on its own feet, combines in its flavor the tang of smoky autumnal
woods, the maternal softness of earthy fields delivered of their crop children,
the wineyness of a late sun, the intimate kiss of fertilizing rain, and the
bite of fire.  You must slice it thin, almost as thin as this page you hold
in your hands.  The making of a ham dinner, like the making of a gentleman,
starts a long, long time before the event.
                -- W.B. Courtney, "Reflections of Maryland Country Ham",
                   from "Congress Eate It Up"

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served
the family nothing but leftovers.  The original meal has never been found.
                -- Calvin Trillin

"The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in
1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert."
                -- D. Letterman

The number of feet in a yard is directly proportional to the success
of the barbecue.

The number of licorice gumballs you get out of a gumball machine
increases in direct proportion to how much you hate licorice.

The only thing better than love is milk.

The reason it's called "Grape Nuts" is that it contains "dextrose", which is
also sometimes called "grape sugar," and also because "Grape Nuts" is
catchier, in terms of marketing, than "A Cross Between Gerbil Food and
Gravel," which is what it tastes like.
                -- Dave Barry, "Tips for Writer's"

The scene: in a vast, painted desert, a cowboy faces his horse.

Cowboy: "Well, you've been a pretty good hoss, I guess.  Hardworkin'.
        Not the fastest critter I ever come acrost, but..."

Horse:  "No, stupid, not feed*back*.  I said I wanted a feed*bag*.

The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later
you're hungry again.
                -- George Miller

The way to a man's stomach is through his esophagus.