Freebsd Fortunes 7

When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced
to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.
                -- Brendan Behan

When I demanded of my friend what viands he preferred,
He quoth: "A large cold bottle, and a small hot bird!"
                -- Eugene Field, "The Bottle and the Bird"

when i die, i'd like to go peacefully.
in my sleep.
like my grandfather.

not screaming,
like the passengers in his car...

When I drink, *everybody* drinks!" a man shouted to the assembled bar patrons.  A
loud general cheer went up.  After downing his whiskey, he hopped onto a
barstool and shouted "When I take another drink, *everybody* takes another
drink!"  The announcement produced another cheer and another round of drinks.
        As soon as he had downed his second drink, the fellow hopped back
onto the stool.  "And when I pay," he bellowed, slapping five dollars onto
the bar, "*everybody* pays!"

When I first arrived in this country I had only fifteen cents in my pocket
and a willingness to compromise.
                -- Weber cartoon caption

When I get real bored, I like to drive down town and get a great
parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me
if i'm leaving.
                -- Steven Wright

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot,
then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
                -- Steven Wright

When I grow up, I want to be an honest
lawyer so things like that can't happen.
                -- Richard Nixon, as a boy, on the Teapot Dome scandal

When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women.  I
shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do
what you like now."
                -- Tolstoy

When I hear a man applauded by the mob I always feel a pang of pity
for him.  All he has to do to be hissed is to live long enough.
                -- H.L. Mencken, "Minority Report"