Freebsd Limericks

As tourists inspected the apse
An ominous series of raps
        Came from under the altar,
        Which caused some to falter
And others to shriek and collapse.
                -- Edward Gorey

Asked a supplicant priest of the pontiff,
"Do I sin if I do what I want, if
        I screw a young nun
        In the eastertide sun?"
His holiness murmured, "Gut yontiff."

At a contest for farting in Butte
One lady's exertion was cute :
        It won the diploma
        For fetid aroma,
And three judges were felled by the brute.

At a dance, a girl from Connecticut
Showed an absolute absence of etiquette
        Letting all comers press
        Through the skirt of her dress
And wiping the mess with her petticoat.

At the end of all civilization
Is the planet Terminus's location.
        There's a girl there whose feat,
        Without stone or concrete,
Nonetheless, was to lay the Foundation.

At the moment Japan declared war
A sailor was fucking a whore.
        He said, "After this poke
        `Long and hard' ain't no joke;
This means months 'til I get back ashore."

At the Villa Nemetia the sleepers
Are disturbed by a phantom in weepers;
        It beats all night long
        A dirge on a gong
As it staggers about in the creepers.
                -- Edward Gorey

At Vassar, sex isn't injurious,
Though of love we are never penurious.
        Thanks to vulcanized aids,
        Though we may die old maids,
At least we shall never die curious.

At whist drives and strawberry teas
Fan would giggle and show off her knees;
        But when she was alone
        She'd drink eau de cologne,
And weep from a sense of unease.
                -- Edward Gorey

Augustus, for slpashing his soup,
Was put for the night on the stoop;
        In the morning he'd not
        Repented a jot,
And next day he was dead of the croup.
                -- Edward Gorey