Freebsd Limericks

There was a young person of Kent
Who was famous wherever he went.
        All the way through a fuck,
        He would quack like a duck,
And he crowed like a cock when he spent.

There was a young physicist named Fisk
Whose lovemaking was rather brisk.
        So quick was his action,
        The Lorentz Contraction
Shortened his rod to a disc !!

There was a young plumber named Lee
Who was plumbing his girl by the sea.
        She said, "Stop your plumbing,
        There's somebody coming"
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me."

There was a young poet named Dan,
Whose poetry never would scan.
        When told this was so,
        He said, "Yes, I know,
It's because I try to put every possible syllable into that last line that I can."

There was a young royal marine,
Who tried to fart "God Save the Queen".
        When he reached the soprano
        Out came only guano
And his britches weren't fit to be seen.

There was a young sailor from Brighton,
Who remarked to his girl, "You're a tight one."
        She replied, "'Pon my soul,
        You're in the wrong hole;
There's plenty of room in the right one."

There was a young sapphic named Anna
Who stuffed her friend's cunt with banana,
        Which she sucked, bit by bit,
        From her partner's warm slit,
In the most approved lesbian manner.

There was a young Scot in Madrid
Who got fifty-five fucks for a quid.
        When they said, "Are you faint?"
        He replied, "No, I ain't,
But I don't feel as good as I did."

There was a young soldier from Munich
Whose penis hung down past his tunic,
        And their chops girls would lick
        When they thought of his prick,
But alas! he was only a eunuch.

There was a young sportsman named Peel
Who went for a trip on his wheel;
        He pedalled for days
        Through crepuscular haze,
And returned feeling somewhat unreal.
                -- Edward Gorey