Linux Cookie

"They ought to make butt-flavored cat food."   --Gallagher

"Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends."
--Woody Allen

"It's ten o'clock... Do you know where your AI programs are?"  -- Peter Oakley

"Ah, you know the type.  They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks,
'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big,
scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only
reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers."
-- an analysis of neo-Nazis and such, Badger comics

"Interesting survey in the current Journal of Abnormal Psychology: New York
City has a higher percentage of people you shouldn't make any sudden moves
around than any other city in the world."
-- David Letterman

"Tourists -- have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies.  When you get
to your destination, say to your driver, "Pay?  I was hitchhiking."
-- David Letterman

"An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to New
Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but not
new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax."
-- David Letterman

"Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham
Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
        1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
        2) Advising the President.
        3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his
           coffin."
-- David Letterman

"If Ricky Schroder and Gary Coleman had a fight on
 television with pool cues, who would win?
        1) Ricky Schroder
        2) Gary Coleman
        3) The television viewing public"
-- David Letterman

"If you are beginning to doubt what I am saying, you are
 probably hallucinating."
-- The Firesign Theatre, _Everything you know is Wrong_