Freebsd Fortunes 2

                                                PLAYGIRL, Inc.
                                                Philadelphia, Pa.  19369
Dear Sir:
        Your name has been submitted to us with your photo.  I regret to
inform you that we will be unable to use your body in our centerfold.  On
a scale of one to ten, your body was rated a minus two by a panel of women
ranging in age from 60 to 75 years.  We tried to assemble a panel in the
age bracket of 25 to 35 years, but we could not get them to stop laughing
long enough to reach a decision.  Should the taste of the American woman
ever change so drastically that bodies such as yours would be appropriate
in our magazine, you will be notified by this office.  Please, don't call
us.
        Sympathetically,
        Amanda L. Smith

p.s.    We also want to commend you for your unusual pose.  Were you
        wounded in the war, or do you ride your bike a lot?

                        _-^--^=-_
                   _.-^^          -~_
                _--                  --_
               <                        >)
               |                         |
                ._                   _./
                   ```--. . , ; .--'''
                         | |   |
                      .-=||  | |=-.
                      `-=#$%&%$#=-'
                         | ;  :|
                _____.,-#%&$@%#&#~,._____

                                FROM THE DESK OF
                                Dorothy Gale

        Auntie Em:
                Hate you.
                Hate Kansas.
                Taking the dog.
                        Dorothy

                                FROM THE DESK OF
                                Rapunzel

Dear Prince:

        Use ladder tonight --
        you're splitting my ends.

                                SEMINAR ANNOUNCEMENT

Title:          Are Frogs Turing Compatible?
Speaker:        Don "The Lion" Knuth

                                ABSTRACT
        Several researchers at the University of Louisiana have been studying
the computing power of various amphibians, frogs in particular.  The problem
of frog computability has become a critical issue that ranges across all areas
of computer science.  It has been shown that anything computable by an amphi-
bian community in a fixed-size pond is computable by a frog in the same-size
pond -- that is to say, frogs are Pond-space complete.  We will show that
there is a log-space, polywog-time reduction from any Turing machine program
to a frog.  We will suggest these represent a proper subset of frog-computable
functions.
        This is not just a let's-see-how-far-those-frogs-can-jump seminar.
This is only for hardcore amphibian-computation people and their colleagues.
        Refreshments will be served.  Music will be played.

                                UNIX Trix

For those of you in the reseller business, here is a helpful tip that will
save your support staff a few hours of precious time.  Before you send your
next machine out to an untrained client, change the permissions on /etc/passwd
to 666 and make sure there is a copy somewhere on the disk.  Now when they
forget the root password, you can easily login as an ordinary user and correct
the damage.  Having a bootable tape (for larger machines) is not a bad idea
either.  If you need some help, give us a call.

                -- CommUNIXque 1:1, ASCAR Business Systems

                         ___====-_  _-====___
                  _--~~~#####// '  ` \#####~~~--_
                -~##########// (    ) \##########~-_
               -############//  |^^/|  \############-
             _~############//   (O||O)   \############~_
            ~#############((     \//     ))#############~
           -###############\    (oo)    //###############-
          -#################\  / `'   //#################-
         -###################\/  ()  //###################-
        _#/|##########/\######(  (())  )######/\##########|\#_
        |/ |#/\#/\#//  \#/\##|  ()/  |##/\#/  /\#/\#/\#| |
        `  |/  V  V  `   V  )||  |()|  ||(  V   '  V /  |  '
           `   `  `      `  / |  |()|  |   '      '<||>  '
                           (  |  |()|  |  )        /|/
                          __ |__|()|__| /________/|/
                         (vvv(vvvv)(vvvv)vvv)______|/

                        DELETE A FORTUNE!
Don't some of these fortunes just drive you nuts?!
Wouldn't you like to see some of them deleted from the system?
You can!  Just mail to `fortune' with the fortune you hate most,
and we'll make sure it gets expunged.

                        It's grad exam time...
COMPUTER SCIENCE
        Inside your desk you'll find a listing of the DEC/VMS operating
system in IBM 1710 machine code. Show what changes are necessary to convert
this code into a UNIX Berkeley 7 operating system.  Prove that these fixes are
bug free and run correctly. You should gain at least 150% efficiency in the
new system.  (You should take no more than 10 minutes on this question.)

MATHEMATICS
        If X equals PI times R^2, construct a formula showing how long
it would take a fire ant to drill a hole through a dill pickle, if the
length-girth ratio of the ant to the pickle were 98.17:1.

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE
Describe the Universe.  Give three examples.

                        It's grad exam time...
MEDICINE
        You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a
bottle of Scotch.  Remove your appendix.  Do not suture until your work has
been inspected.  (You have 15 minutes.)

HISTORY
        Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present
day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political,
economic, religious and philosophical impact upon Europe, Asia, America, and
Africa.  Be brief, concise, and specific.

BIOLOGY
        Create life.  Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture
if this form of life had been created 500 million years ago or earlier, with
special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system.