Freebsd Fortunes 2

        Chapter VIII
Due to the convergence of forces beyond his comprehension,
Salvatore Quanucci was suddenly squirted out of the universe
like a watermelon seed, and never heard from again.

        Concerning the war in Vietnam, Senator George Aiken of Vermont noted
in January, 1966, "I'm not very keen for doves or hawks.  I think we need more
owls."
                -- Bill Adler, "The Washington Wits"

        COONDOG MEMORY
        (heard in Rutledge, Missouri, about eighteen years ago)

Now, this dog is for sale, and she can not only follow a trail twice as
old as the average dog can, but she's got a pretty good memory to boot.
For instance, last week this old boy who lives down the road from me, and
is forever stinkmouthing my hounds, brought some city fellow around to
try out ol' Sis here.  So I turned her out south of the house and she made
two or three big swings back and forth across the edge of the woods, set
back her head, bayed a couple of times, cut straight through the woods,
come to a little clearing, jumped about three foot straight up in the air,
run to the other side, and commenced to letting out a racket like she had
something treed.  We went over there with our flashlights and shone them
up in the tree but couldn't catch no shine offa coon's eyes, and my
neighbor sorta indicated that ol' Sis might be a little crazy, `cause she
stood right to the tree and kept singing up into it.  So I pulled off my
coat and climbed up into the branches, and sure enough, there was a coon
skeleton wedged in between a couple of branches about twenty foot up.
Now as I was saying, she can follow a pretty old trail, but this fellow
was still calling her crazy or touched `cause she had hopped up in the
air while she was crossing the clearing, until I reminded him that the
Hawkins' had a fence across there about five years back.  Now, this dog
is for sale.
                -- News that stayed News: Ten Years of Coevolution Quarterly

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        Dallas Cowboys Official Schedule

        Sept 14         Pasadena Junior High
        Sept 21         Boy Scout Troop 049
        Sept 28         Blind Academy
        Sept 30         World War I Veterans
        Oct 5           Brownie Scout Troop 041
        Oct 12          Sugarcreek High Cheerleaders
        Oct 26          St. Thomas Boys Choir
        Nov 2           Texas City Vet Clinic
        Nov 9           Korean War Amputees
        Nov 15          VA Hospital Polio Patients

        "Darling," he breathed, "after making love I doubt if I'll
be able to get over you -- so would you mind answering the phone?"

        "Darling," she whispered, "will you still love me after we are
married?"
        He considered this for a moment and then replied, "I think so.
I've always been especially fond of married women."

        Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
        Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo!
        Nora's freezin' on the trolley,
        Swaller dollar cauliflower, alleygaroo!

        Don't we know archaic barrel,
        Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou.
        Trolley Molly don't love Harold,
        Boola boola Pensacoola hullabaloo!
                -- Pogo, "Deck Us All With Boston Charlie"

        Does anyone know how to get chocolate syrup and honey out of a
white electric blanket?  I'm afraid to wash it in the machine.

Thanks, Kathy.  (front desk, x17)

p.s.    Also, anyone ever used Noxema on friction burns?
        Or is Vaseline better?

        "Don't come back until you have him", the Tick-Tock Man said quietly,
sincerely, extremely dangerously.
        They used dogs.  They used probes.  They used cardio plate crossoffs.
They used teepers.  They used bribery.  They used stick tites.  They used
intimidation.  They used torment.  They used torture.  They used finks.
They used cops.  They used search and seizure.  They used fallaron.  They
used betterment incentives.  They used finger prints.  They used the
bertillion system.  They used cunning.  They used guile.  They used treachery.
They used Raoul-Mitgong but he wasn't much help.  They used applied physics.
They used techniques of criminology.  And what the hell, they caught him.
                -- Harlan Ellison, "Repent, Harlequin, said the Tick-Tock Man"