Freebsd Fortunes 2

An attorney was defending his client against a charge of first-degree
murder.  "Your Honor, my client is accused of stuff his lover's
mutilated body into a suitcase and heading for the Mexican border.
Just north of Tijuana a cop spotted her hand sticking out of the
suitcase.  Now, I would like to stress that my client is *not* a
murderer.  A sloppy packer, maybe..."

An avocado-tone refrigerator would look good on your resume.

An economist is a man who would marry
Farrah Fawcett-Majors for her money.

An editor is one who separates the wheat from the chaff and prints the chaff.
                -- Adlai Stevenson

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

An efficient and a successful administration manifests
itself equally in small as in great matters.
                -- W. Churchill

An egghead is one who stands firmly on both feet,
in mid-air, on both sides of an issue.
                -- Homer Ferguson

An elderly couple were flying to their Caribbean hideaway on a chartered plane
when a terrible storm forced them to land on an uninhabited island.  When
several days passed without rescue, the couple and their pilot sank into a
despondent silence. Finally, the woman asked her husband if he had made his
usual pledge to the United Way Campaign.
        "We're running out of food and water and you ask *that*?" her husband
barked.  "If you really need to know, I not only pledged a half million but
I've already paid them half of it."
        "You owe the U.W.C. a *quarter million*?" the woman exclaimed
euphorically.  "Don't worry, Harry, they'll find us!  They'll find us!"

An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician find themselves in an
anecdote, indeed an anecdote quite similar to many that you have no doubt
already heard.  After some observations and rough calculations the
engineer realizes the situation and starts laughing.  A few minutes later
the physicist understands too and chuckles to himself happily as he now
has enough experimental evidence to publish a paper.  This leaves the
mathematician somewhat perplexed, as he had observed right away that he
was the subject of an anecdote, and deduced quite rapidly the presence of
humour from similar anecdotes, but considers this anecdote to be too
trivial a corollary to be significant, let alone funny.