Freebsd Fortunes 2

                        Pittsburgh driver's test
9: Roads are salted in order to
        a) kill grass.
        b) melt snow.
        c) help the economy.
        d) prevent potholes.
The correct answer is c.
Road salting employs thousands of persons directly, and millions more
indirectly, for example, salt miners and rustproofers.  Most important,
salting reduces the life spans of cars, thus stimulating the car and
steel industries.

                 (  /__________/  )
                  (^ @___..___@ ^)/
                   / (////) /
                  /  (////)/  
                -(    """"""""""    )
                        _____      /
                  (     /(   )     )
                  _)   (_V) (V_)   (_
                 (V)(V)(V)   (V)(V)(V)

                    ___====-_  _-====___
              _--~~~#####//      \#####~~~--_
           _-~##########// (    ) \##########~-_
          -############//  :^^/:  \############-
        _~############//   (@::@)   \############~_
       ~#############((     \//     ))#############~
      -###############\    (^^)    //###############-
     -#################\  / ""   //#################-
    -###################\/      //###################-
   _#/:##########/\######(   /   )######/\##########:\#_
   :/ :#/\#/\#//  \#/\##  :  :  /##/\#/  /\#/\#/\#: :
   "  :/  V  V  "   V  \#: :  : :/#/  V   "  V  V  :  "
      "   "  "      "    : :  : : /   "      "  "   "

                        Has your family tried 'em?

                           POWDERMILK BISCUITS

                 Heavens, they're tasty and expeditious!

            They're made from whole wheat, to give shy persons
           the strength to get up and do what needs to be done.

                           POWDERMILK BISCUITS

        Buy them ready-made in the big blue box with the picture of
        the biscuit on the front, or in the brown bag with the dark
                     stains that indicate freshness.

                Answers to Last Fortunes' Questions:
1) None. (Moses didn't have an ark).
2) Your mother, by the pigeonhole principle.
3) You don't know.  Neither does your boss.
4) Who cares?
5) 6 (or maybe 4, or else 3).  Mr. Alfred J. Duncan of Podunk, Montana,
   submitted an interesting solution to Problem 5.  Unfortunately, I lost it.
6) I know the answer to this one, but I'm not telling!  Suffer!  Ha-ha-ha!!
7) There is an interesting solution to this problem on page 10,953 of my
   book, which you can pick up for $23.95 at finer bookstores and bathroom
   supply outlets (or 99 cents at the table in front of Papyrus Books).

                Hard Copies and Chmod

And everyone thinks computers are impersonal
cold diskdrives hardware monitors
user-hostile software

of course they're only bits and bytes
and characters and strings
and files

just some old textfiles from my old boyfriend
telling me he loves me and
he'll take care of me

simply a discarded printout of a friend's directory
deep intimate secrets and
how he doesn't trust me

couldn't hurt me more if they were scented in lavender or mould
on personal stationery
                -- terri@csd4.milw.wisc.edu

                `O' LEVEL COUNTER CULTURE
Timewarp allowed: 3 hours.  Do not scrawl situationalist graffiti in the
margins or stub your rollups in the inkwells.  Orange may be worn.  Credit
will be given to candidates who self-actualize.

        1: Compare and contrast Pink Floyd with Black Sabbath and say why
neither has street credibility.
        2: "Even Buddha would have been hard pushed to reach Nirvana squatting
on a juggernaut route."  Consider the dialectic of inner truth and inner
city.
        3: Discuss degree of hassle involved in paranoia about being sucked
into a black hole.
        4: "The Egomaniac's Liberation Front were a bunch of revisionist
ripoff merchants."  Comment on this insult.
        5: Account for the lack of references to brown rice in Dylan's lyrics.
        6: "Castenada was a bit of a bozo."  How far is this a fair summing
up of western dualism?
        7: Hermann Hesse was a Pisces.  Discuss.

                OUTCONERR
Twas FORTRAN as the doloop goes
        Did logzerneg the ifthen block
All kludgy were the function flows
        And subroutines adhoc.

Beware the runtime-bug my friend
        squrooneg, the false goto
Beware the infiniteloop
        And shun the inprectoo.

                Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
1.      Never use an elevator in a building that has been hit by a
                nuclear bomb, use the stairs.
2.      When you're flying through the air, remember to roll
                when you hit the ground.
3.      If you're on fire, avoid gasoline and other flammable materials.
4.      Don't attempt communication with dead people; it will only lead
                to psychological problems.
5.      Food will be scarce, you will have to scavenge.   Learn to recognize
                foods that will be available after the bomb: mashed potatoes,
                shredded wheat, tossed salad, ground beef, etc.
6.      Put your hand over your mouth when you sneeze, internal organs
                will be scarce in the post-nuclear age.
7.      Try to be neat, fall only in designated piles.
8.      Drive carefully in "Heavy Fallout" areas, people could be
                staggering illegally.
9.      Nutritionally, hundred dollar bills are equal to one's, but more
                sanitary due to limited circulation.
10.     Accumulate mannequins now, spare parts will be in short
                supply on D-Day.

                The Guy on the Right Doesn't Stand a Chance
The guy on the right has the Osborne 1, a fully functional computer system
in a portable package the size of a briefcase.  The guy on the left has an
Uzi submachine gun concealed in his attache case.  Also in the case are four
fully loaded, 32-round clips of 125-grain 9mm ammunition.  The owner of the
Uzi is going to get more tactical firepower delivered -- and delivered on
target -- in less time, and with less effort.  All for $795. It's inevitable.
If you're going up against some guy with an Osborne 1 -- or any personal
computer -- he's the one who's in trouble.  One round from an Uzi can zip
through ten inches of solid pine wood, so you can imagine what it will do
to structural foam acrylic and sheet aluminum.  In fact, detachable magazines
for the Uzi are available in 25-, 32-, and 40-round capacities, so you can
take out an entire office full of Apple II or IBM Personal Computers tied
into Ethernet or other local-area networks.  What about the new 16-bit
computers, like the Lisa and Fortune?  Even with the Winchester backup,
they're no match for the Uzi.  One quick burst and they'll find out what
Unix means.  Make your commanding officer proud.  Get an Uzi -- and come home
a winner in the fight for office automatic weapons.
                -- "InfoWorld", June, 1984