Freebsd Fortunes 2

1) X=Y                          ; Given
2) X^2=XY                       ; Multiply both sides by X
3) X^2-Y^2=XY-Y^2               ; Subtract Y^2 from both sides
4) (X+Y)(X-Y)=Y(X-Y)            ; Factor
5) X+Y=Y                        ; Cancel out (X-Y) term
6) 2Y=Y                         ; Substitute X for Y, by equation 1
7) 2=1                          ; Divide both sides by Y
                -- "Omni", proof that 2 equals 1

10. Not everybody looks good naked.
 9. Joe Garagiola was a hell of an emcee.
 8. Joe Cocker really should stick with decaffeinated coffee.
 7. Fringe!  Fringe!  Fringe!
 6. If you've got 72 hours to kill, you can probably find room for Sha Na Na.
 5. Never attend an event with a 50,000 to 1 person to Port-A-San ratio.
 4. Bellbottoms will never go out of style.
 3. A drum solo cannot be too long.
 2. I, David Letterman, will never rent out my farm again.
 1. We are stardust.  We are golden.  We are going to look really stupid to
        future generations.
                -- David Letterman, Top Ten Lessons of Woodstock

10 Reasons Why a Beer is Better Than a Woman:

 1. A beer won't make you go to church.
 2. A beer is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor" than a woman.
 3. A beer doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.
 4. A beer doesn't give a [expletive deleted] if you keep a bunch of
        other beers on the side.
 5. A beer will not call you a sexist pig if you say "doberman" instead of
        "doberperson".
 6. A beer won't get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours of lesbian
        folk music on yer fave radio station.
 7. A beer understands why The Three Stooges are funny.
 8. A beer won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the
        toilet seat up.
 9. A beer doesn't think that a "three-hundred-fifty cubic-inch V8" is an
        enormous can of vegetable juice.
10. A beer won't smoke in your car.

100 buckets of bits on the bus
100 buckets of bits
Take one down, short it to ground
FF buckets of bits on the bus

FF buckets of bits on the bus
FF buckets of bits
Take one down, short it to ground
FE buckets of bits on the bus...

ad infinitum...

$100 placed at 7 percent interest compounded quarterly for 200 years will
increase to more than $100,000,000 -- by which time it will be worth nothing.
                -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough For Love"

10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.

1/2 oz. gin
1/2 oz. vodka
1/2 oz. rum (preferably dark)
3/4 oz. tequila
1/2 oz. triple sec
1/2 oz. orange juice
3/4 oz. sour mix
1/2 oz. cola
shake with ice and strain into frosted glass.
                Long Island Iced Tea

13. ...  r-q1

17.  HO HUM -- The Redundant

------- (7)     This hexagram refers to a situation of extreme
--- --- (8)     boredom.  Your programs always bomb off.  Your wife
------- (7)     smells bad.  Your children have hives.  You are working
---O--- (6)     on an accounting system, when you want to develop
---X--- (9)     the GREAT AMERICAN COMPILER.  You give up hot dates
--- --- (8)     to nurse sick computers.  What you need now is sex.

Nine in the second place means:
        The yellow bird approaches the malt shop.  Misfortune.

Six in the third place means:
        In former times men built altars to honor the Internal
        Revenue Service.  Great Dragons!  Are you in trouble!

17th Rule of Friendship:

A friend will refrain from telling you he picked up the same amount
of life insurance coverage you did for half the price when yours is
noncancellable.
                -- Esquire, May 1977