Freebsd Fortunes 2

A gambler's biggest thrill is winning a bet.
His next biggest thrill is losing a bet.

A gangster assembled an engineer, a chemist, and a physicist.  He explained
that he was entering a horse in a race the following week and the three
assembled guys had the job of assuring that the gangster's horse would win.
They were to reconvene the day before the race to tell the gangster how they
each propose to ensure a win.  When they reconvened the gangster started with
the engineer:

Gangster: OK, Mr. engineer, what have you got?
Engineer: Well, I've invented a way to weave metallic threads into the saddle
          blanket so that they will act as the plates of a battery and provide
          electrical shock to the horse.
G:        That's very good!  But let's hear from the chemist.
Chemist:  I've synthesized a powerful stimulant that dissolves
          into simple blood sugars after ten minutes and therefore
          cannot be detected in post-race tests.
G:        Excellent, excellent!  But I want to hear from the physicist before
          I decide what to do.  Physicist?

Physicist: Well, first consider a spherical horse in simple harmonic motion...

A gentleman is a man who wouldn't hit a lady with his hat on.
                -- Evan Esar
                [ And why not?  For why does she have his hat on?  Ed.]

A gentleman never strikes a lady with his hat on.
                -- Fred Allen

A gift of a flower will soon be made to you.

A girl and a boy bump into each other -- surely a coincidence.  A girl and
a boy bump and her handkerchief drops -- surely another coincidence.  But
when a girl gives a boy a dead squid, *that had to mean SOMETHING!*

A girl and a boy bump into each other -- surely an accident.
A girl and a boy bump and her handkerchief drops -- surely another accident.
But when a girl gives a boy a dead squid -- *that had to mean something*.
                -- S. Morganstern, "The Silent Gondoliers"

A girl with a future avoids the man with a past.
                -- Evan Esar, "The Humor of Humor"

A girl's best friend is her mutter.
                -- Dorothy Parker

A girl's conscience doesn't really keep her from doing anything wrong--
it merely keeps her from enjoying it.