Freebsd Fortunes 2

A kiss is a course of procedure, cunningly devised,
for the mutual stoppage of speech at a moment when
words are superfluous.

A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.

A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally.
                -- Lillian Day

A lady with one of her ears applied
To an open keyhole heard, inside,
Two female gossips in converse free --
The subject engaging them was she.
"I think", said one, "and my husband thinks
That she's a prying, inquisitive minx!"
As soon as no more of it she could hear
The lady, indignant, removed her ear.
"I will not stay," she said with a pout,
"To hear my character lied about!"
                -- Gopete Sherany

A language that doesn't affect the way you
think about programming is not worth knowing.

A language that doesn't have everything is
actually easier to program in than some that do.
                -- D.M. Ritchie

A lanky Texan was mad because Texas had just become the second largest state in
the Union, so he made up his mind to move to Alaska.  He drove for three days
and three nights to get there and finally he came to what looked like the state
line.  He halted his car and walked up to the border guard.  "Hi, there!  How
do I become a resident of this here biggest state?" demanded the Texan.
        The guard looked him up and down and grinned.  "Waal," he answered,
there are three things you gotta do to get in.  First, drink down a quart of
110 proof corn liquor without blinkin'.  Second, kill a grizzly bear, and
third, make love to an Eskimo woman."
        "Sounds easy enough," said the Texan.  "Where can I get a quart of
this here corn liquor?"
        "Got one right here," replied the guard.
        The Texan gulped down the whiskey without batting an eyelash.
"Now, do you happen to know where I can find me a grizzly?"
        "Yep," answered the guard, "there's a big b'ar over that way, 'bout
a mile... lives in a cave on that cliff."
        The Texan lurched merrily off.  About an hour later he returned
with his clothes almost torn off and his face scratched and bloody.  He was
smiling happily.  "Now," he roared, "where's that damn Eskimo woman you
want killed?"

A large number of installed systems work by fiat.
That is, they work by being declared to work.
                -- Anatol Holt

A large spider in an old house built a beautiful web in which to catch flies.
Every time a fly landed on the web and was entangled in it the spider devoured
him, so that when another fly came along he would think the web was a safe and
quiet place in which to rest.  One day a fairly intelligent fly buzzed around
above the web so long without lighting that the spider appeared and said,
"Come on down."  But the fly was too clever for him and said, "I never light
where I don't see other flies and I don't see any other flies in your house."
So he flew away until he came to a place where there were a great many other
flies.  He was about to settle down among them when a bee buzzed up and said,
"Hold it, stupid, that's flypaper.  All those flies are trapped."  "Don't be
silly," said the fly, "they're dancing."  So he settled down and became stuck
to the flypaper with all the other flies.

Moral:  There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.
                -- James Thurber, "The Fairly Intelligent Fly"

A Law of Computer Programming:
        Make it possible for programmers to write in English
        and you will find that programmers cannot write in English.