Freebsd Fortunes 2

A man arrived home early to find his wife in the arms of his best friend,
who swore how much they were in love.  To quiet the enraged husband, the
lover suggested, "Friends shouldn't fight, let's play gin rummy.  If I win,
you get a divorce so I can marry her.  If you win, I promise never to see
her again.  Okay?"
        "Alright," agreed the husband.  "But how about a quarter a point
on the side to make it interesting?"

A man can have two, maybe three love affairs while he's married.  After
that it's cheating.
                -- Yves Montand

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen
or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
                -- Joan Rivers

A man does not look behind the door unless he has stood there himself.
                -- Du Bois

A man fell off a mountain and, as he fell, saw a branch and grabbed for it.
By superhuman effort he was able to get a precarious grip on it.  As he
was hanging there for dear life, he looked up and cried out,
        "Is anybody there?"
A deep majestic voice answered,
        "Yes my son, I am here.  What do you need?"
        "Help me!!" cried the man.
        "I will help you", said the voice, "Just let go of the branch and
you'll be safe.  All you have to do is trust."
The man thought for a moment and cried out:
        "Anybody ELSE up there?"

A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles
in the road.
                -- Alexander Smith

A man goes into a bar and begins to tell a Polish joke.  The man sitting
next to him, a big hulking powerhouse, turns and says menacingly, "*I'm*
Polish."
        He then calls out, "Ivan!  Come over here and bring your brother."
Two men, bigger than the first, appear from the back room.
        "Josef!" the man calls out, "come here a second, and bring Lendl
with you."  Two more men appear, and all five men crowd around the man with
the joke.
        "Now," says the first Polish man, "do you want to finish that joke?"
        "Nah," says the man.
        "Oh, no?  And why not?  I'm sure it was very funny," says the Polish
man, opening and closing his fist.  "Are you scared?"
        "No," replies the man.  "I just don't feel like having to explain it
five times."

A man in love is incomplete until he is married.  Then he is finished.
                -- Zsa Zsa Gabor, "Newsweek"

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.
                -- Brendan Francis

A man is crawling through the Sahara desert when he is approached by another
man riding on a camel.  When the rider gets close enough, the crawling man
whispers through his sun-parched lips, "Water... please... can you give...
water..."
        "I'm sorry," replies the man on the camel, "I don't have any water
with me.  But I'd be delighted to sell you a necktie."
        "Tie?" whispers the man.  "I need *water*."
        "They're only four dollars apiece."
        "I need *water*."
        "Okay, okay, say two for seven dollars."
        "Please!  I need *water*!", says the man.
        "I don't have any water, all I have are ties," replies the salesman,
and he heads off into the distance.
        The man, losing track of time, crawls for what seems like days.
Finally, nearly dead, sun-blind and with his skin peeling and blistering, he
sees a restaurant in the distance.  Summoning the last of his strength he
staggers up to the door and confronts the head waiter.
        "Water... can I get... water," the dying man manages to stammer.
        "I'm sorry, sir, ties required."