Freebsd Fortunes 2

                        DELETE A FORTUNE!
Don't some of these fortunes just drive you nuts?!
Wouldn't you like to see some of them deleted from the system?
You can!  Just mail to `fortune' with the fortune you hate most,
and we'll make sure it gets expunged.

                        It's grad exam time...
COMPUTER SCIENCE
        Inside your desk you'll find a listing of the DEC/VMS operating
system in IBM 1710 machine code. Show what changes are necessary to convert
this code into a UNIX Berkeley 7 operating system.  Prove that these fixes are
bug free and run correctly. You should gain at least 150% efficiency in the
new system.  (You should take no more than 10 minutes on this question.)

MATHEMATICS
        If X equals PI times R^2, construct a formula showing how long
it would take a fire ant to drill a hole through a dill pickle, if the
length-girth ratio of the ant to the pickle were 98.17:1.

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE
Describe the Universe.  Give three examples.

                        It's grad exam time...
MEDICINE
        You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a
bottle of Scotch.  Remove your appendix.  Do not suture until your work has
been inspected.  (You have 15 minutes.)

HISTORY
        Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present
day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political,
economic, religious and philosophical impact upon Europe, Asia, America, and
Africa.  Be brief, concise, and specific.

BIOLOGY
        Create life.  Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture
if this form of life had been created 500 million years ago or earlier, with
special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system.

                        Pittsburgh driver's test
10: Potholes are
        a) extremely dangerous.
        b) patriotic.
        c) the fault of the previous administration.
        d) all going to be fixed next summer.
The correct answer is b.
Potholes destroy unpatriotic, unamerican, imported cars, since the holes
are larger than the cars.  If you drive a big, patriotic, American car
you have nothing to worry about.

                        Pittsburgh driver's test
2: A traffic light at an intersection changes from yellow to red, you should
        a) stop immediately.
        b) proceed slowly through the intersection.
        c) blow the horn.
        d) floor it.
The correct answer is d.
If you said c, you were almost right, so give yourself a half point.

                        Pittsburgh driver's test
3: When stopped at an intersection you should
        a) watch the traffic light for your lane.
        b) watch for pedestrians crossing the street.
        c) blow the horn.
        d) watch the traffic light for the intersecting street.
The correct answer is d.
You need to start as soon as the traffic light for the intersecting
street turns yellow.
Answer c is worth a half point.

                        Pittsburgh driver's test
4: Exhaust gas is
        a) beneficial.
        b) not harmful.
        c) toxic.
        d) a punk band.
The correct answer is b.
The meddling Washington eco-freak communist bureaucrats who say otherwise
are liars.  (Message to those who answered d.  Go back to California where
you came from.  Your kind are not welcome here.)

                        Pittsburgh driver's test
5: Your car's horn is a vital piece of safety equipment.
   How often should you test it?
        a) once a year.
        b) once a month.
        c) once a day.
        d) once an hour.
The correct answer is d.
You should test your car's horn at least once every hour,
and more often at night or in residential neighborhoods.

                        Pittsburgh driver's test
7: The car directly in front of you has a flashing right tail light
   but a steady left tail light.
        a) One of the tail lights is broken.  You should blow your
           horn to call the problem to the driver's attention.
        b) The driver is signaling a right turn.
        c) The driver is signaling a left turn.
        d) The driver is from out of town.
The correct answer is d.
Tail lights are used in some foreign countries to signal turns.

                        Pittsburgh driver's test
8: Pedestrians are
        a) irrelevant.
        b) communists.
        c) a nuisance.
        d) difficult to clean off the front grille.
The correct answer is a.  Pedestrians are not in cars, so they
are totally irrelevant to driving, and you should ignore them
completely.