Freebsd Fortunes 4

If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk.
If you wish to be happy for three days, get married.
If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it.
If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.
                -- Chinese Proverb

If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.

If you wish women to love you, be original; I know a man who wore fur
boots summer and winter, and women fell in love with him.
                -- Anton Chekov

If you work for a man, in heaven's name, work for him.
If he pays you wages which supply you bread and butter, work for him; speak
        well of him; stand by him, and by the institution he represents.
If put to a pinch, an ounce of loyalty is worth a pound of cleverness.
If you must vilify, condemn and eternally find disparage -- resign your
        position, and when you are outside, damn to your heart's content...
        but, as long as you are part of the institution do not condemn it.
If you do that, you are loosening the tendrils that are holding you to the
        institution, and at the first high wind that comes along, you will
        be uprooted and blown away, and probably will never know the reason
        why.

If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend.

If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.
                -- Ben Franklin

If you would understand your own age, read the works
of fiction produced in it.  People in disguise speak freely.

If you'd like to cultivate insomnia,
Bed down with a pretty girl.
Amor vincit omnia.

If your aim in life is nothing; you can't miss.

If your bread is stale, make toast.