Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of April, 2024

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

There once were two brothers named Luntz Who buggered each...
There once were two brothers named Luntz Who buggered each other at once. When asked to account For this intricate mount, They said, "Ass-holes are tighter than cunts."

There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that...
There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that it bent. To save himself trouble He put it in double And instead of coming, he went.

The Middle East is certainly the nexus of turmoil for a long...
The Middle East is certainly the nexus of turmoil for a long time to come -- with shifting players, but the same game: upheaval. I think we will be confronting militant Islam -- particularly fallout from the Iranian revolution -- and religion will once...

Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitos...
Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitos and bowlegged ants, I come before you to stand behind you To tell you of something I know nothing about. Next Thursday (which is good Friday), There will be a convention held in the Women's...

*** NEWSFLASH *** Russian tanks steamrolling through...
*** NEWSFLASH *** Russian tanks steamrolling through New Jersey!!!! Details at eleven!

Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
Drive defensively. Buy a tank.

How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru...
How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton? -- Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey

Nasrudin walked into a shop one day, and the owner came forward...
Nasrudin walked into a shop one day, and the owner came forward to serve him. Nasrudin said, "First things first. Did you see me walk into your shop?" "Of course." "Have you ever seen me before?" "Never." ...

Seminars, n.: From "semi"...
Seminars, n.: From "semi" and "arse", hence, any half-assed discussion.